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PEOPLE PLEASER
It’s really sneaky, in fact for me, it starts out with this one simple thing: CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? I mean we all share the same biology can’t we just get along and make sure that we live and let live and if at any give opportunity, give someone the benefit of the doubt? Maybe that’s what starts out for me, being a perpetually habitual lifelong people pleaser. . .and just when I think I am way past that and though it’s on my map, it’s in a place I use to be, but no longer am until I’m suddenly NOT. . .
That urge to BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE THAT I MAY SAVE SOME AND SERVE ALL still JACK-OUT-OF-THE-BOX jumps out of me; hence, I’m always interested in any information that identifies the PEOPLE PLEASER in me and more, hints at what to do about it
People-pleasers are at a higher risk
of burnout,
says Harvard-trained psychologist—
how to spot the signs. . .
The price of being a people-pleaser can be steep — especially for your mental health.
People-pleasers are especially prone to burnout at work, says Debbie Sorensen, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist based in Denver.
And being a constant yes-person is a double-edged sword: You might feel guilty telling others “no,” and resentment every time you say “yes.”
You don’t need to let go of your people-pleasing tendencies entirely to avoid burnout — past research has shown that being polite, friendly and supportive at work are all important traits that can help you be more productive and happier in your job.
The difference, Sorensen explains, is that people-pleasers tend to have difficulty setting boundaries, which can be “really exhausting” and lead to “chronic stress,” she warns.
3 signs people-pleasing is hurting your mental health and career
If you frequently take on more responsibility than you can comfortably manage because you’re afraid of disappointing someone, your people-pleasing tendencies could be pushing you to the brink of burnout.
While people-pleasing looks different for everyone at work, Sorensen says there are three common signs to watch out for:
- Saying “yes” to every request for help, even if it interrupts your own work
- Disregarding your feelings when something is done or said that upsets you because you fear potential conflict
- Agreeing to unrealistic assignment deadlines
People-pleasing isn’t just dangerous for your career because it can lead to burnout — it can make you lose sight of your own needs and professional goals.
“When you are constantly putting other people’s needs before your own, it becomes that much harder to focus on your work and advance in your career,” says Sorenson.
How to stop being a people-pleaser at work and avoid burnout
The first step in alleviating overwhelm and burnout is learning how to set boundaries.
“It can be uncomfortable to set boundaries at work, but next time you’re tempted to pile more responsibilities on your plate, pause and ask yourself if you really want, or need, to take that on. And fight the knee-jerk reaction to say ‘yes’ to everything,” says Sorensen.
Curbing burnout and letting go of the habits that might be doing you more harm than good is an imperfect process that takes time, says Sorensen, so be consistent in your efforts, but try to avoid the pitfalls of self-criticism.
Don’t look at saying “no” as a reflection of your self-worth or capabilities. Instead, think of setting boundaries as you protecting your energy, goals and priorities so you can be a more effective employee, says Sorensen.
“You just have to keep tuning in and reminding yourself that time off from work, in any amount, is really, really important,” she adds, whether it’s resisting the urge to work after-hours or taking a longer lunch break. “We all deserve the time and space to recharge.”
BEING A CARING CATALYST doesn’t mean fulfilling every need, every time, it means taking the Light of your day and sharing as it has been shared; no need to ever make the SIMPLE, COMPLICATED–EVER
LIGHTING ANOTHER’S CANDLE IS THE SUREST WAY TO MAKE SURE THAT NEITHER OF YOU WILL EVER WALK IN DARKNESS. . .or suffer from BURNOUT
YOUR WARMTH DOESN’T HAVE TO CAUSE BURN OUT
HAPPY NURSE’S WEEK
BEING KIND DOESN’T HAVE TO LEAVE YOU KINDLESS . . .How to Give to Others without Burning Out
Research suggests that self-care can reduce stress and exhaustion—if we know how to practice it. . .
In our over-stressed world, many health care providers, social workers, and caregivers are suffering from slow yet painful burnout. Many of the rest of us, working long hours and raising families, seem to be approaching burnout, too. Sometimes we may feel that we’re too exhausted to keep giving to others, even though giving is a primary source of happiness in our lives.
So how can we keep giving without burning out? We’re told that self-care is the answer: Give yourself a treat; you deserve it. Take some time for yourself. Say no.
Indeed, a research review found that psychologists in training who practice more self-care report feeling less distressed and stressed and more satisfied with life. The question is: What does self-care look like, and how much of it do we need?
As it turns out, the trick is to be other-focused and kind, but to balance that with taking care of yourself as well. Here are some practices to help you do that.
Self-compassion
One particularly potent form of self-care involves transforming our relationship with ourselves—in particular, practicing self-compassion.
Self-compassion is treating yourself as you would a friend—with kindness rather than self-judgment—especially at times when you fail. Self-compassion is remembering that we all make mistakes, instead of beating ourselves up. And it means being mindful of emotions and thoughts without getting overly immersed in them. Self-compassion doesn’t mean being indulgent or letting yourself off the hook, but it also doesn’t mean being overly self-critical and harsh.
Elaine Beaumont at the University of Salford has conducted numerous studies looking at the impact of self-compassion on burnout and compassion fatigue. In a study of 100 student midwives—who routinely see both the miracle of new life and the tragedies that can accompany childbirth—Beaumont and her team found that midwives who had higher levels of self-compassion also showed less burnout and compassion fatigue symptoms. The opposite was true of midwives who were highly self-critical. She repeated this study with different caretaker professions and found similar results in nurses and students training to be counselors and psychotherapists.
In addition to being protected against burnout, people who are more self-compassionate tend to report feeling less stress and negative emotions. They’re also more optimistic and feel more happiness and other positive emotions, among other benefits.
To practice self-compassion, try some of the exercises that pioneering self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff has studied and written about in her book on self-compassion, such as writing a Self-Compassionate Letter, taking a Self-Compassion Break, or asking yourself: How Would I Treat a Friend?
Social connection
Caring for ourselves also means seeking social connections, who can provide practical and emotional support to us when we’re struggling. A study of nurses found that belonging to a more cohesive group at work helps prevent burnout and compassion fatigue, reducing the effects of stress and trauma.
This should come as no surprise: Social connection, from birth to old age, is one of our greatest human needs. Social connection leads to lower rates of anxiety and depression, strengthens our immune system, and can even lengthen our life.
Researchers agree that social connection has less to do with the number of friends you have than with how connected you feel on the inside, subjectively. In other words, you don’t have to be a social butterfly to reap the benefits; just aim to cultivate an internal sense of belonging with those around you.
How? The tricky part is that stress is linked to self-focus; our stressed minds turn towards me, myself, and I—making us even more miserable and disconnected from others. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, and walks in nature, as well as curbing caffeine, can all help us calm down and feel ready to reach out to others. A study we conducted at Stanford showed that loving-kindness meditation can be a quick way to nurture a sense of connection. Better yet, try meditating with a partner!
Empathy and compassion
It might seem counterintuitive that empathy—which includes attending to others’ struggles—would help us with our own, particularly for caregivers. But research in social workers shows that having more empathy can also prevent burnout. Brain-imaging research by Tania Singer suggests that compassion training can actually make you better at coping with other people’s suffering—helping you help others without paying the cost yourself.
One potential explanation for this finding is that, by developing feelings like compassion and empathy, we are protected from feeling distressed or overwhelmed in the face of suffering. When you truly connect with another person who is suffering, you can actually feel empowered and energized because you are inspired to uplift that person.
We’ve all had the experience of having a friend ask for help during a time of emergency. In these moments, we are usually capable of so much more than we imagined—we seem to find hidden reserves of energy. Afterward, we end up feeling much better than we did before.
Again, loving-kindness meditation is one way to start to cultivate empathy. When you speak with someone who is suffering, practicing active listening can help you provide comfort and support to them without having to solve their problems.
The benefits of giving
If we can figure out how to continue giving to others without suffering from burnout, we can expect to reap many benefits.
For example, volunteering can have a positive impact on health, with benefits for obesity, blood glucose, blood pressure, and longevity. Older volunteers can derive a great feeling of purpose and self-esteem from volunteering; research shows that it makes them feel happier, more connected to others, and more confident of their self-worth. The benefits of volunteering for well-being seem to be universal, holding across cultures as well as generations.
Other studies have found that we’re happier when we spend money on others, and that we experience more positive emotions when we engage in acts of kindness for others, rather than ourselves.
If you are shy or introverted or even have social anxiety, giving to others can actually still increase your happiness. Although giving tends to feel better when we connect with beneficiaries, for the truly shy or those who don’t have time, even kind acts conducted over the computer can increase well-being.
Self-compassion, social connection, and empathy are powerful forms of self-care—but that doesn’t mean that traditional self-care activities have no place in our lives. Keeping your spirits up with exercise, sleeping in, and making room for fun activities like movies or shopping are important. These pleasures give us short bursts of happiness that can help fuel us and keep us playful in life. To complement these more physical pleasures, giving and connecting with others in positive ways will bring us long-lasting feelings of joy that come from a life of purpose and meaning. The balance between the two is a ripe recipe for a happy, long, and fulfilling life.
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO GET IT
(which is ultimate cure for BURN-OUT
PRETTY UGLY
Without a doubt
The Worst Critic
you will ever encounter is the one
that stares back at you
from the mirror. . .
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the things this mirror image will yell at you,
YOU’RE UGLY
YOU’RE STUPID
YOU’RE SO DUMB
YOU’RE AN IDIOT
YOU’RE NO GOOD
YOU’RE WORTHLESS
YOU ARE_________________________
and it’s always the
_________________________________
that shouts the loudest
B U T
IT IS NOT TRUE
is what you need to yell
back
L O U D E R
(every time )
I’m very ugly
So don’t try to convince me that
I am a very beautiful person
Because at the end of the day
I hate myself in every single way
And I’m not going to lie to myself by saying
There is beauty inside of me that matters
So rest assured I will remind myself
That I am a worthless, terrible person
And nothing you say will make me believe
I still deserve love
Because no matter what
I am not good enough to be loved
And I am in no position to believe that
Beauty does exist within me
Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think
Am I as ugly as people say?
(Now read bottom up)
by Abdullah Shoaib
LOVE LACK
IT IS AMAZING
how we think that this applies to everyone ELSE
but not to ourselves
but one of the biggest lessons that
THE PANDEMIC has taught us
is if infected, we are dangerously viral
. . .CAN THE SAME BE SAID OF LOVE. . .
IF WE ARE INFESTED WITH LOVE
IS IT IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO SPREAD. . .
P L E A S E
N O T E
TO
S P R E A D
L O V E
You have to first have LOVE
uhhhhhhhhhh
which means
L O V I N G
O U R S E L V E S
I have often joked,
IF YOU LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF
I MAY WELL CHOOSE YOU NOT TO BE
MY NEIGHBOR
(for the way, or the lack of the way you love yourself)
Seems like I may not be the only one who thinks that:
Self-Compassion
Could Help You
Be More Tolerant
Of Others. . .
A new study finds that when you’re warm and accepting of yourself, those feelings may extend to other people, too. . .
Launched into public awareness by the psychologist Kristin Neff, the practice of self-compassion has emerged as a proven way to boost well-being and resilience amid life’s challenges. “With self-compassion,” Neff writes, “we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.”
A new Rutgers University study suggests that self-compassion has another, counterintuitive benefit: It helps you to become more accepting of other people who are not like you. Being kind to yourself, the study reports, can broaden your tolerance of others—so long as your self-compassion is rooted in “common humanity,” a belief that life’s joys and struggles are part of the shared human condition.
“People who are viewing themselves and their failures and their suffering as normal parts of human experience are more likely to have compassion for others,” says H. Annie Vu, a psychology graduate student at Rutgers and lead author of the study. “That is linked with less prejudice.” She aims to develop training programs that foster people’s sense of common humanity, which she hopes will deepen their compassion for themselves and others—and, as a result, promote social acceptance.
Self-kindness that reflects outward
Self-compassion, the quality Vu explored in her study, is distinct from self-esteem. Self-esteem involves how you answer the question “How much do I like myself?,” and it often crumbles when others criticize you. But self-compassion is a form of self-regard that persists no matter what others are saying. It means accepting yourself even when you fumble or fail.
As Neff defines it, self-compassion has three major components: mindfulness, awareness of your own feelings and thoughts; self-kindness, a commitment to caring for yourself in tough times; and common humanity, a sense that everyone experiences highs and lows in life just like you.
Vu’s study looked at how different components of self-compassion related to people’s attitudes toward others. The study’s 163 student participants took Neff’s 26-item survey to assess their self-compassion, including statements like, “When I’m down, I remind myself that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am.” The students also took a self-esteem survey and a test that evaluated their feelings about “outgroups” often marginalized by society, such as unhoused people or members of minority groups.
The analysis by Vu’s team found that people’s self-esteem did not meaningfully predict how they felt about outgroup members. Self-compassion, on the other hand, did—but it was people with greater feelings of common humanity, not self-kindness or mindfulness, who were more accepting of others not like them.
While self-kindness and mindfulness involve more of a focus on yourself and your emotions, common humanity “involves perception of others, and that connectedness between self and others,” Vu says. “That explains why it’s the only self-compassion component that is associated with low prejudice.”
Common humanity, in other words, helps you assess your own experiences against the failures and triumphs shared by everyone else on the planet. When you do that kind of comparison, it may be harder to look down on those different from you, because you’re focused on what unites you rather than what sets you apart. A sense of common humanity may also make your self-compassion more durable, because when you understand how your struggles reflect the shared human experience, it’s less tempting to blame yourself for them.
A 2018 study by Italian researchers had also found that self-compassionate people were more accepting of others, but Vu’s study goes further, showing that this connection holds up independent of people’s self-esteem. (Previous research has shown that people with high “me first” self-esteem are sometimes less accepting of people different from them.)
Vu’s finding also builds on reports from political scientist Kristen Renwick Monroe, who found that what set Holocaust rescuers apart from peers was their strong sense of common humanity. Even if (as was often the case) rescuers came from a different background or culture than the people they were helping, they recognized just how similar they were to those being persecuted, which motivated them to act.
Underscoring what connects us
Vu’s study is among the first to combine what have long been two distinct branches of research: studies on how people feel about themselves, and studies on how they perceive members of other groups. Through further study of how inner states affect outer attitudes, Vu and her Rutgers colleagues hope to create training programs that build up people’s sense of common humanity—and thereby broaden their acceptance of others.
Such programs could reinforce existing efforts to protect marginalized people’s rights and dignity, notes Rutgers psychologist Luis Rivera, Vu’s graduate advisor and a coauthor of the study.
“We’ve already seen historically how changing structures, laws, policies, et cetera, can lead to changes in prejudices. But what Annie’s work also suggests is that you can turn back to the individual,” Rivera says. “That could be another opportunity, complementing structural-level interventions with individual-level interventions.”
Developing and testing these educational programs could take years, Vu says. Yet people can start now to shift their focus toward what links them to all humanity—and observe the real-world benefits for themselves.
“The more you realize you are connected to other humans—and that other humans are humans—the more you’re able to regard them with dignity and respect,” says social worker and empathy educator Kristen Donnelly, founder of the Abbey Research firm. “The work of understanding your humanity is deeply connected to the work of understanding our connectedness. Difference is not a threat, but an opportunity.”
ALL-WAYS A SEASON
In this era, where a lot of people are becoming more and more indifferent towards one another, kindness is coming at an expensive price. It is not often that you see people showing kindness towards others. BUT. . .I found this video recently where there was a prepared set of different videos to prove that wrong. Throughout the video, you can watch Santa providing warm clothes to homeless people or older woman praising stranger for doing cool tricks with skateboard and many others. As always I hope this afflicts the Caring Catalyst in you that by merely watching the video, you will realize that kindness in humanity hasn’t been lost completely and there are still people out there ready to show acts of kindness not only to their close ones, but also to any random strangers and make them emotional or even cry by their acts of kindness. THAT it’ll inspire you to bring a special warmth to Another’s CHILL. . .Enjoy watching the video. . .
MY BOD
WE ARE NOT ALWAYS THAT PROUD OF OUR BODIES
ESPECIALLY AS WE GROW OLDER
so we have a way of
on purpose
covering up
as much as possible
and maybe even making fun of it
in ways that makes others look away from
THE OBVIOUS
like some grand Vegas Strip Magician. . .
Which has made me understand the most profound of all statements uttered by sick and the not so sick alike:
THE WORST BETRAYAL OF ALL IS WHEN OUR BODY’S BETRAY US
I seldom BLOG two book reviews per week and wasn’t planning on doing this but I had just gotten done intermittently reading this book when Richard Rohr wrote about this in his daily devotion this past Tuesday. . .and I don’t let CHANCE MOMENTS pass; when they speak to me, I make sure I above whisper them along to others:
Knowing and Loving Our Bodies
Dear Body,
Sometimes, I hate you. You ache. You get tired sooner than I’d like to admit. You wake me in the night for no good reason. Your cells duplicate at unpredictable rates. New gray hairs and fine lines and silver stretch marks show up out of nowhere. You let me down just when I need you the most. . . .
Sometimes, I want a break from living with you. I’d prefer to trade you in for a newer model. A model that isn’t in constant pain, that fits better in that pair of jeans, that has more energy. With you, I am limited—bound by skin and bone and thinning hair.
With you, I am fragile. . . .
But God knows what it’s like to live in flesh. . . . If God too lived in a body, then God knows the ache of growing pains and the feeling of goosebumps on a brisk day and the comfort of a warm embrace. He felt the gurgle of a hungry stomach and the annoying prick of a splinter after a day of hard work. He wept over the death of a friend. Ours is a God who sneezed and rubbed His eyes when He was sleepy. Ours is a God who knew longing, heartbreak, excitement, frustration—the full range of what it means to be human . . . [and] live in a body.
So when my own body drags me down, when my muscles ache, when my worries keep me up at night, when my fear for the future leaves me motionless, when I feel lonely and exhausted and burdened, I do not worship a God who is far off.
This is a God who knows my humanity inside and out. God has counted every hair on my head (Matthew 10:30) and bottled up every tear I have shed (Psalm 56:8). Not simply because the Word formed us (Genesis 1:27), knit us together in our mothers’ wombs (Psalm 139:13), was there from the very beginning . . . but because God wore our skin.
By embracing the wisdom of the incarnation, Bowler learned to listen to her body’s messages and be kind to herself:
Dear, dear body, I get it. Or at least I am starting to. You do not have an unlimited supply. You run out, and I need to listen. Maybe I really should go to bed a little earlier or let you off the hook for craving those extra salty chips. I need to sense when you are struggling, and gently acknowledge that you are actually changing. That time and love and grief and life have worn themselves into my skin. Day by day. This is the beautiful, terrible evidence that we have lived.
what we often do
TO NOT SEE THE OBVIOUS
and maybe now know that’s it so much more than
a glimpse worth spying. . .
REGRETS. . .WE’VE HAD A FEW
We are all
s h a t t e r e d
in so many places
we can barely call it
B r O k e N e D
so we reframe it and call it
R E G R E T S
and not always the ones that
Frank Sinatra
belts out in
MY WAY. . .
which is exactly why we need to understand
How Regrets Can Help You Make Better Decisions
A new book explains what makes people prone to regret and how it affects our lives, for better and worse.
:
Have you ever regretted something you did or didn’t do in life?
If you’ve lived a long life, you probably carry many regrets, large and small. Some of my own regrets relate to my career (why did I never become a teacher and a basketball coach; a full-fledge writer), past relationships (why did I lose a good friend over a small disagreement), and parenting (why didn’t I respond instead of react well to my kid’s worries and unmet expectations?). No matter the regret, it’s hard not to wonder how things might have turned out if I’d only made a different—and better—choice at the time. I thought I was reading this book to help some of the patients I families I meet every day in the hospice setting. . .well. . .
Ruminating on past mistakes is a downer and can lead to depression or anxiety if it continues unabated. But a new book by psychologist Robert Leahy, If Only…Finding Freedom from Regret, suggests that regrets don’t always have to bog you down. If you understand how regrets work, recognize their effect on your decision making, and find ways to manage life’s inevitable disappointments, you can suffer less from regret and, instead, use your regrets as helpful guideposts for your life.
“Regret is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to take over and hijack you,” he writes.
The nature of regret
Regret can come in different forms—for something we did (like overeating or hurting our loved one) or something we didn’t do (like not graduating from college or not asking someone out on a date). Most people have a mixture of both types, though the latter tends to make us feel worse, writes Leahy.
According to research, the most common sources of regret involve our education, career, romance, and parenting (in that order). That’s because we tend to regret things that reflect bigger concerns and opportunities in life, rather than what we ate for breakfast.
Culture can affect how people experience regret, too, with people from more individualistic cultures usually having more regrets about their personal situation (like achievement or career) and those in collectivist cultures having more regrets about their relationships. And women and men differ some in how they experience regret, with women typically regretting romantic and sexual relationships more than men and men regretting inaction more than action.
Regret is associated with unpleasant emotions, like sadness, disappointment, guilt, and shame. But people also regard it as one of the most beneficial negative emotions, because it can be instructive. For example, if we regret how we behaved the last time we drank too much, we’re less likely to order a third round the next time we’re at the bar. Or, if we regret yelling at our child when angry, we may take a breath the next time we’re upset and respond with compassion.
Our regrets can teach us about ourselves, help us to avoid repeating mistakes, and encourage us to make better decisions in the future. On the other hand, if we use our regrets to beat ourselves up, or if we ignore them completely, they will not lead to growth. The key is finding the right balance, says Leahy.
“Regret doesn’t have to lead directly to self-recrimination,” he writes. But “never feeling regret is not a sign of wisdom or righteousness. It may be a sign you don’t learn from your mistakes.”
Why some people suffer from regret more
Some of us are more prone to regret than others, and Leahy provides multiple questionnaires within his book to help you identify where you fall on that scale. Though there is no way to eliminate regret completely—and the world would be worse if we did—there are factors that increase our chances of experiencing regret in a more negative way and suffering from it, says Leahy. Here are some of those risk factors.
Not tolerating ambivalence. Many life choices have pros and cons, and there are no guarantees about the future. But, if you can’t stand uncertainty, you are bound to avoid making hard choices, leaving you vulnerable to later regrets.
Falling prey to biases. We all have cognitive biases, but some influence regret more than others. If you suffer a lot from negativity bias (discounting or not even seeing the positives in your life), black-and-white thinking (thinking things are either all good or all bad), or catastrophizing (thinking that if something goes wrong, you won’t be able to handle it), it’s bound to affect how much you suffer regret.
Worrying about “buyer’s remorse” or how bad we’ll feel in the future. If you’re the kind of person who often anticipates feeling awful for making a choice, it may keep you from deciding on a course of action that could bring you happiness, increasing the potential for regret.
Having too many choices. “Regret is an opportunity emotion—the more opportunity we see, the more likely we are to regret something,” writes Leahy. For example, a college graduate with multiple job offers might regret taking one over another, especially if it doesn’t pan out. Having too many choices increases your potential for making the “wrong” one.
Being a perfectionist. If you expect to have an ideal, happy life all of the time and are not easily satisfied, you will be more prone to regret. “Maximizers” (people who seek out optimal outcomes) tend to feel more regret than “satisficers” (people who are content with good-enough outcomes), unless they can take steps to lessen their maximizing tendencies.
How regret can guide our decisions
“Regret is a possible element of any decision that we make,” writes Leahy. “But the likelihood that you will regret your decisions will depend on how you think about making your decisions and how you cope with living with the result.”
If you’re someone who lets past regrets fester in your mind, Leahy recommends that you fight against irrational thinking and think more realistically about where you are in life. He suggests using approaches from cognitive-behavioral therapy to question your assumptions. Here are some of his tips.
Remember that you don’t know things would have turned out better.If you imagine your life would have been better “if only…,” keep in mind that your assumption is not based on real evidence. Instead of focusing on where you might have been, turn toward the future and remember it can change based on the choices you make now.
Focus on the positive aspects of your current life, to balance out the negative feelings that come with regret. Your negativity bias can keep you preoccupied with what’s wrong rather than what’s right. So, it’s a good idea to practice gratitude for the good in your life—even for the small, simple things.
Don’t forget that sometimes things don’t turn out the way you wanted them to, even with your most thoughtful planning. Life can hand you lemons, but that’s not necessarily your fault. You cannot be omniscient; so, you need to accept that sometimes you will regret your choices. But that doesn’t mean you should criticize yourself endlessly. Better to learn from your mistakes than to punish yourself.
Accept tradeoffs and compromises. Not everything has to turn out just the way you wanted it to. You will stymie your progress if you insist otherwise and make yourself miserable in the process. So, aim to be a satisficer rather than a maximizer.
Overall, Leahy advises that, once you’ve learned whatever lessons regret can teach you, you can let go of unrealistic expectations about what might have been, enjoy your life as it is, and start planning for a better future.
“Look around you at what is in the present moment and hold on to it with a warm embrace,” he writes. “Because your regrets will only keep you from what you have and who you are and trap you in a fictional world that never was—and never could have been.”
Life isn’t always
(forgive the pun)
CRACKED UP
what it’s suppose to be
but then again. . .
when it comes at us in
BITE SIZE
Pieces
We have a better way of
NOT REGRETTING
and savoring all of the goodness out of it
we can. . .
WHEN I’M 67
L I F E
isn’t about a number of Candles
on a quick-to-go-stale
Birthday Cake. . .
. . .Maybe the best part of old age for anyone is that they can actually
A T T A I N I T
There are Givens:
Death is the Number One Killer in the World. . .
Life is Sexually Transmitted and it’s
T E R M I N A L . . .
and it ENDS. . .
usually
just not as well as we’d like. . .
Great Health,
it turns out,
is merely the slowest possible rate
at which anyone can ever die. . .
But. . .
After some 804 months
3495 weeks and five days
24,472 Days on this spinning blue ball
587,328 hours
35,239,680 minutes
268,202,880 seconds,
I’ve learned a few lessons. . .
and the biggest one:
There’s just a few more lessons to learn. . .
There was a recent survey taken in the UK that said the biggest fears men have growing older are:
94% fear going bald
89% fear becoming impotent
75% are worried about going grey
64% are scared of getting fat
61% fear losing their teeth
45% dread needing ‘jam jar’ glasses
31% are scared of going deaf
24% are frightened of getting bad breath
100% of me is concerned that I wasted time. . .
that somehow,
I didn’t become all of
M E
I regret little of what I’ve ever done. . .
even the not-so-good-kind-of-horrific-things
because they’ve all made up the tapestry of my life–
especially the dark, ugly colors;
It’s the strands of threads
that I didn’t allow to become a part of the mosaic. . .
to expand it
that taunts me;
It’s not the two-self published books,
it’s the yet-to-be published two novels,
five Children’s books,
three non-fiction books
four books of poetry
and the yet to be written ones
that fill stacks of notebooks and overflowing file folders. . . .
I have no interest in spewing out the
6 7
greatest things I’ve learned in my
6 7 years. . .
I do believe that
R e l a t i o n s h i p s,
not technology or medical advances,
Heals me. . .
I do believe that
L O V I N G
is the greatest force in and out of this World
and when applied frequently and liberally
Y O U
not only Change. . .
The Universe does, too. . .
I do believe that the secret to long life is
simply never to let your heart stop beating
or never passing up the opportunity
of making Another’s beat better. . .
I do believe that
Life is not counted by pages on a calendar
or minutes/seconds on a clock
or candles on a cake. . .
but in
M O M E N T S
that can never be counted,
calculated,
measured
or
harnessed. . .
o n l y r e m e m b e r e d
way past a pulse,
a heart beat,
a breath
or any other means of defining Life
that can’t be definite. . . .
B I R T H D A Y S
are never what they’re cranked up to be
no matter how many you continue to collect
none of them mean a thing
until you make everyday between them mean
E V E R Y T H I N G
So. . .
about that cake. . .
I’ll pass. . .
but WOW. . .
that piece of Pecan Pie
is looking mighty, mighty
f i n e !
Join me. . .
we’ll call it a
Party. . .
a never-ending Celebration
. . .Candles are optional
The Light
is Blinding
But, at my age
I’m not much thinking about Blinking
. . .I don’t want to miss a thing
and I can’t wait to see
not so much how many more
strands I can add to this
growing-by-the-second-older-
t a p e s t r y
so much as
the different
colors
textures
that’ll get me ever closer to being
c o m p l e t e d
. . .now
ALL-WAYS
NOW
it’s time again
to bring
f l a m e
to
w i c k
FUNNY BUSINESS
A few years ago I became a
C L L
. . .that’s right,
a real bonafide
CERTIFIED LAUGHTER LEADER
even though
LAUGHING
and attempting to make people
H A P P Y(IER)
has been a life long pursuit of mine. . .
enter the infamous JOYOLOGIST
STEVE WILSON and his beautiful bride, Pamela
I attended their WORLD LAUGHTER TOUR
Steve Wilson| Psychologist | The Joyologist | Cheerman of the Bored
Director-National Humor Month
http://www.worldlaughtertour.com
http://www.humormonth.com
http://www.stevewilson.com
http://www.laughterfoundation.org
Skype: s_h_wilson
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/World-Laughter-Tour/57984062492
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevehwilson
Twitter: (@joyologist)
Phone: 614-855-4733
Blog: http://www.laughterandhumor.blogspot.comand it was literally
LIFE CHANGING. . .
I have had the privilege/pleasure of actually hosting several LAUGHTER SESSIONS and have shared some of those techniques in several of the presentations I do and believe me, no pun intended. . .
THIS IS NO FUNNY BUSINESS,
in fact the one simple-start-using-it-at-this-very-second-give-a-away
IS FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. . .
That’s right, even fake laughing for a mere 15-30 seconds gives you all of the health benefits of actually laughing as if you were watching your favorite comedy or having a laughfest with your friends. . .
In fact, SMILING has the same kind of benefits, especially when you feel the least like cracking a smile. . .
and yet even FAKE SMILING opens wide those big Carotid arteries that supply the head and neck with oxygenated blood and instantly changes your mood and demeanor. . .
FUNNY BUSINESSThis past Sunday, Steve DIRECT MESSAGED me the image belowIt made me take a look at a pile of books I had in a corner section of the library I have in my basement and WHAAAAAAA-LAAAAAAAA I found thisLord Is a Whisper at Midnight https://a.co/d/bW9xGyHbook that I hadn’t opened in a while but slid in a chair on a rainy afternoon and let it READ ME as much as I pursued it. . .
FUNNY BUSINESS
I was COLOR BLINDED no more and the smiles weren’t fakeTHANK YOU, STEVE WILSON
for HOW-TO
that made the WANT-TO
feel kind of
F U N N Y
naturally. . .