Much to ponder in this song performed by the award-winning Becky Buller.
Let your mind paint the picture your Heart needs to see that'll give you more Heart and less attack.   .   .  

MORE HEART, LESS ATTACK

Be the light in the crack
Be the one that's been there on a camel's back
Slow to anger, quick to laugh
Be more heart and less attack

Be the wheels not the track
Be the wanderer that's coming back
Leave the past right where it's at
Be more heart and less attack

The more you take the less you have
'Cause it's you in the mirror staring back
Quick to let go slow to react
Be more heart and less attack

Ever growing steadfast
And if need be the one that's in the gap
Be the never turning back
Twice the heart any man could have

Be the wheels not the track
Be the wanderer that's coming back
Leave the past right where it's at
Be more heart and less attack
Be more heart and less attack
Be more heart and less attack

I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops
I drank the water, I felt my veins block
I'm nearly sanctified, I'm nearly broken
I'm down the river, I'm near the open

I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops
I drank the water, I felt my veins block
I'm near the sanctified, I'm near broken
I'm down the river, I'm near the open

I'm down the river to where I'm going


(My thanks to Becky Buller and friends.)

“It’s true.” Replied Chaplin, “But your fame is even greater. The world admires you, when no one understands you.”
BEYOND RELATIVITY
is not BEING a Caring Catalyst.          .           .
IT IS MAKING SOMEONE FEEL LIKE
THEY ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF ONE
WITHOUT SAYING A WORD
OR FULLY UNDERSTANDING
HOW YOU CAN MAKE THE HAIR STAND UP ON THEIR ARMS
AND TINGLE LIKE IN NO OTHER WAY
just by how you treat them
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
NEWS FLASH
It
Ain’t
ROCKET SCIENCE
(It can readily be proven but seldom is.     .    .CHANGE THAT!)

BUT DOES IT REALLY.          .          .          ?
There are so many things in life that takes us from
FORT KNOX SECURE
to I’m afraid of my own shadow
I N S E C U R E
.           .           .just how can you tell
HOW SECURE YOU ARE.        .       .        ?

Harvard-trained psychologist:

If you use any of these 9 phrases

every day,

‘you’re more emotionally secure

than most’

Jane’s poem and some commentary of it has found me twice in less than a week which shouts:
PAY ATTENTION
and 
S H A R E
Have you ever had some
OTHERWISE
moments.          .          .          ?

While in the recovery room from a colonoscopy a very kind and attentive nurse told me I should get a mole checked on my shoulder.  I did.  But the mole I got checked was fine but there were two others ones that were discovered because of that visit that were not; they were successfully removed after being discovered that were cancerous.        .        .but it could have been OTHERWISE

*                                                        *                                                    *

I suffered through a agonizing night of urinary retention which resulted in an early morning Emergency Room visit before a busy day of two funerals and a wedding; while the young nurse was catheterizing me, she asked me what I did for a living and when I told her among other things, I was a hospice chaplain, she asked me what hospice and when I told her Hospice of the Western Reserve, she stopped and looked down at me and told me that her daughter of 8 months had been on our services and had recently died from brain cancer.  It was her first day back after her daughter’s death and her taking off three months to grieve her.  As we were finishing up with paperwork she asked me, “How did you know that I needed you to come in today?  I told her at that moment being there for both of us was the only thing that made sense and that we helped each other.          .          .but it could have been OTHERWISE

*                                                             *                                                  *

I had a stye on my eyelid but in my mind it had to be cancerous that would cause a hideous deforming blindness and as luck would have it the eye doctor was open late on this Monday night and had an opening for me.  He confirmed that it was a simple stye and could be managed with some hot compresses.  I told him I hadn’t been to see him in the 20 years that I’ve had success lasik eye surgery but then thought but there’s other reasons to visit him just to make sure my eyes were in good shape.  Tests were run and it was determined I have a cataract in both eyes that will eventually need repairing and pressure in both eyes that indicate early detection of glaucoma.  It was a less than a routine visit for a stye that could have easily been taken care of by Dr Google and it could have been OTHERWISE

*                                                                  *                                               *

What’s been your OTHERWISE moment?  Like the poet, Jane Kenyon, to be sure we all have those OTHERWISE moments, most likely more than we pay much mind.  “ONE DAY” as Jane says at the end of her poem, “IT WILL BE OTHERWISE”

One day, for a sure certainty, there will be a visit that will leave me so very much different coming out than when going it, if I come out at all, and I will not so much fall as drift softly into the arms of whatever’s next–a world that can’t be glimpsed from here.          .          .
But until that Sunrise that’ll never set I hope that I, and sincerely hopefully, like you, we will truly rejoice in the happy OTHERWISE-NESS of being alive, of being here, NOW

At best it’s really blurry
and never fully
picture-perfect-clear. . .
DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE JUST WHO YOU ARE

Are you more
E X T R O V E R T E D
Are you more
I N T R O V E R T E D
Are you more
A M B I V E R T E D
Do you really know
Do you really care

5 Signs You Might Be an Ambivert

According to experts, many of us fall into this
category.    .    .

Sira M.Follow was kind of wondering if you were wondering what it truly might be like to be caught in THE MIDDLE; The In-Between of Extroverted and Introverted. Much in the same fashion of Jeff Foxworthy’s YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF. . .

We’ve all self-identified as introverts or extroverts at least once. However, some of us were probably wrong with that identification.

Bestselling author Travis Bradberry explains that personality traits exist along a continuum, and the vast majority of us aren’t introverts or extroverts — we fall somewhere in the middle. And the word ambivert is used to define people who don’t lean too heavily in either direction.

As psychotherapist Ken Page, LCSW explains: “Many of us are ambiverts to some degree, and all of us are located somewhere along the spectrum between introversion and extroversion.”

Now you might ask, what does ambivert exactly mean? According to the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of ambivert is:

“A person who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality.”

As Bradberry puts it: “Ambiverts have an advantage over introverts and extroverts. Since their personality doesn’t fall into one of the two extremes, they have an easier time adjusting their approach to people based on each situation.”

Here are five signs you might be an ambivert.

You Feel That Spending Time With

Others Sometimes Exhausts You and

Other Times Energizes You

A few weeks before the pandemic, a friend of mine invited me to her place to have dinner on a Friday night. I was tired, but happily accepted the invite, as I assumed it was going to be a quiet evening, just the two of us.

When I arrived at her place, there were already eleven people there. I wasn’t expecting that, and I immediately felt overwhelmed. It’s not that I don’t like to be around people, but that night I felt exhausted and didn’t have the mental energy to interact with people I didn’t even know.

I spent the evening looking forward to going back home. I was craving some alone time. After two hours I decided to leave, saying that I had had a very busy week and was really tired — which was the truth.

The next Friday afternoon I felt the need to spend some time with other people, so I invited a few friends to my place for dinner. It was a similar situation: I had had a long week, and again I was mentally exhausted. The only difference was that I had been working from home and had spent almost the entire week alone. This time I felt the need to be around people. And I realized something important:

Sometimes, to recharge my batteries, I need some “me time,” while at other times spending time with people is what actually gives me energy.

According to Sarah Regan, this is something ambiverts tend to have in common. They can get energized both by being around others, like extroverts, and by spending recharging time alone like introverts. Sometimes they enjoy alone time and social time equally, or the one they enjoy the most fluctuates depending on what’s going on in their life.

Sometimes You’re Talkative and Other

Times You’re Very Quiet

A friend of mine, Nadia, is the best example of what an ambivert is. For example, like me, she says that sometimes what energizes her is socializing while at other times she craves alone time because it helps her recharge.

Another thing I’ve noticed about her is how sometimes in group situations she’s talkative while at other times she practically doesn’t say a word. When she is more talkative, she actively interacts, asks many questions and shares details about herself as well. When she is quiet, she enjoys listening to others, but barely talks.

And as Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D. explains in an article published in Psychology Today, people like Nadia — that is, those who are sometimes talkative, and other times not — might be ambiverts.

Some People Describe You as an

Introvert While Other People as an

Extrovert

I remember when I was attending college, one day a friend of mine, Naomi, told me this:

“A few days ago I was with Elena. We were talking about you. She told me she really likes you, and the way you are, but she thinks you should open up more. She thinks you’re very quiet and don’t talk too much about yourself. However, I see you in a completely different way. I told her she doesn’t know you as well as I do. You’re always full of energy and it’s always nice talking to you and listening to your stories.”

This is what I replied: “You’re both right. I can be full of energy and talk a lot at times, and be very quiet at other times. It depends on many factors, like my level of energy at a specific moment, and the people I’m with. I think you know me a bit better than she does, but still, what Elena said is true, I’m often very quiet.”

 You Enjoy Being the Center of Attention,

but Not For Too Long

If there’s something I don’t enjoy, it’s having to stand still in front of a cake, on the day of my birthday while everyone is singing Happy birthday and staring at me. The song is only around twenty seconds but as I sit there, blushing, it feels more like five minutes.

I was once talking about this with my friend Nadia, and she told me she feels the exact same way. When it’s her birthday she just blows out the candles before anyone can sing Happy Birthday, as, like me, she can’t bear standing in front of a group of people singing and staring at her while she doesn’t know what to do. It feels kind of embarrassing — this is how she defined it, and I couldn’t agree more with her.

However, we both agreed on one thing. It’s not that we don’t like to be the center of attention; we actually enjoy it, as long as it doesn’t last too long and it’s not too intense.

For example, I like to be part of a conversation where I can convey my opinion and I feel listened to. Also, I love it when I tell a joke and people laugh with me.

And Nadia told me she feels cared for when people ask her about her violin classes — or when they ask her advice on what to eat, as she’s a nutritionist. However, those are all situations in which there is an interaction, and the attention goes from one person to another — and consequently it’s not overwhelming for us.

You Are Good at Balancing Listening and

Talking

Psychologist and author Brian Little explained in The Huffington Post that ambiverts actually have the best of both worlds: they have the classic introvert’s skills of self-reflection, combined with the extrovert’s outgoing traits.

This make them great communicators because they understand when they have to listen and when they can talk. They’re self-aware, and they correct themselves if they are talking too much. If they feel the person in front of them needs to talk, they let them talk and ask questions.

If you’ve always thought you were an introvert or an extrovert — but also had some doubts sometimes — and recognize yourself in this description, you might be an ambivert.

Ambiverts don’t necessarily recognize themselves in all the above mentioned signs, but probably in the majority of them.

Being an ambivert has its advantages. According to an interesting article published in Healthline, ambiverts might be able to develop strong bonds. The extroverted traits may lead to interacting with more people, while the introverted traits can help connect deeply with others.

And this is a perfect combination when it comes to nurturing meaningful relationships.

So in a our every changing world
where there seems to be a
NEW NORMAL
almost every day
WHERE DO YOU STAND (OUT)
INTROVERT
EXTROVERT
AMBIVERT
. . .Why not
TEST IT

Quiz: Are you an extrovert, introvert or

ambivert?

 Adam Grant PhD came up with the following test:

iStock

You probably have a hunch about which one you are, but why not take this quiz — from organizational psychologist Adam Grant — and double-check? Knowing your traits will help you figure out how you can best fit and function in the workplace and the world.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Adam Grant PhD is an organizational psychologist at Wharton, a #1 New York Times bestselling author and the host of the TED podcast WorkLife.

It can be really hard to
SELF LOVE
when you don’t much
SELF LIKE.         .         .
It’s been three years since we have
SHELTERED IN PLACE
and literally defined what
LONELINESS
is or now
will forever be defined
d i f f e r e n t l y.         .          .
REARVIEW MIRROR LIVING
always shows a little more than what
the Windshield can ever reveal
at first glance.       .       .
N            O            W
there’s some studies and evidence-based-data
that’s coming out and showing
what these past three years have
caused/done/begun in us

Self-Love Is Making Us Lonely

Getty Images

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst
Before
B   O   A   R   D   I   N   G
CHECK  IN

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU’D LIKE TO BE DONE UNTO YOU.    .    .RIGHT
Or better,
DO UNTO OTHERS AS THEY REALLY WANT DONE UNTO THEM.   .   .
I mean these are really great aspirations for yourself
FOR OTHERS
.            .            .or are they the worst?
it’s real close to liking you to break open the
Butterfly Cocoon
before it’s ready
.       .     .seemingly to make it easier
But actually doing it the most harm ever.         .         .
THE  SAVIOR  COMPLEX
I’ve always had one
and thought it noble
and even sometimes wore it as a
Badge of Honor
until I saw I was actually doing more harm
than any kind of well intended
G                 O                 O                 D
so when an article about SAVIOR COMPLEXING comes across my attention
I SOAK IT UP
and ok, fine, here’s the truest of true Confessions:
I end up making this Complex even more
C     O     M     P     L     E     X     I     N     G
and yet, I read on and invite you to do the same now with this article from a recent Psychology Today by Mark Travers, Ph.D., an American psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder.

Source: Aamir Suhail / Unsplash

3 Ways to Control the Urge to Save

Everyone.       .       .

Dr. Travers shares that many people come to therapy troubled by their inability to help someone in need. They may say things like:

• “Why do I always feel attracted to people who have had lots of troubles in life?”
• “I make every sacrifice possible to help him, but he still doesn’t change.”
• “If I’m constantly trying to change my significant other for the better, does that mean I’m not accepting of them?”

If you relate to any of these questions, you may have a savior complex. At first glance, your behaviors might point to your helpful nature. But, when examined more closely, your savior complex can be psychologically unhealthy as it can give you an external outlet to focus on instead of addressing your own problems.

Helpfulness is a valued and pro-social trait, but there is a difference between helping and saving. A savior complex goes beyond our ability to help people, crossing into the realm of trying to be a hero in someone else’s life for your benefit more than theirs.

Here I’ll talk about three ways you can manage your instinct to want to “save” people.

1. Practice active listening

When people confide in you, they are often looking for an outlet to let out pent-up emotions instead of wanting to “be fixed.” A big problem for many “saviors” is the mistaken assumption that people are incapable of solving their own issues. If you take up the practice of listening more actively, you may learn that this person is perhaps just looking for a supportive shoulder and someone who will listen.

A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology finds that listening carefully and attentively increases the level of humility in any conversation, resulting in a positive feedback loop of increased humility and better listening.

Here are two ways to up your listening skills, according to the researchers:

• Don’t be afraid of silence. Silent moments are essential for building a good conversation. Allow yourself to be silent to enable the other person to speak. For instance, when a friend comes to you with a problem, aim to understand rather than immediately reply. Instead, watch for their body language, which speaks volumes (e.g., tensed shoulders may express fear or hesitation).
• Believe in the benefits of listening. Familiarize yourself with the benefits of listening. This will motivate you to become a better listener.

2. Wait it out before stepping in

Aside from practicing active listening, resist your urge to intervene. You may find that people can often come to their own aid when helping themselves is the only real way out.

If you try to be the fixer of all their problems, you run the risk of unintentionally pushing them towards a sense of learned helplessness, where they lose the perspective to be able to diagnose and address their own issues.

When a loved one comes to you with an issue, refrain from offering assistance or suggestions right off the bat. Remind yourself that you can be present for someone without having to rescue them. Instead, you can offer validation that shows that you understand and empathize with them and are there for them whenever they need to vent.

3. Hold in your urge to help until you are asked for it

One key aspect of the savior complex is the ingrained desire to help even when it’s not wanted or requested. Assuming that the other person is incapable of helping themselves may reflect or be perceived as a superiority complex on your end.

Instead, you can offer assistance in low-pressure ways that keeps the ball in their court. For instance, ask the other person questions like, “This situation seems quite tough. Is there any way I can help?”

Follow their guidance if they ask you to help in a certain way instead of assuming that you know what’s best.

Now READING and Article and even remotely trying to implement it makes not an expert but.        .       .
It’s a beginning (a g a i n)

Managing your savior instincts may seem difficult at first, but it’s a learnable skill. Even though you may believe you are doing someone a favor, saving someone who doesn’t want to be saved may backfire. Wait until this person asks for your assistance since it’s likely that someone who truly needs it will ask you for it directly.
And remember
Even as you’re Reaching Out
To REACH IN
f            i            r            s            t
IS THIS HELPING THEM
MORE THAN 
APPEASING ME.          .          .          ?

TRUTH. . .
I’m not all that crazy this Jason Mraz song
but the lyrics
.   .   .well now.    .     .
AND THEIR MEANING.          .          .
Now if I could only
APPLY THEM
(l i b e r a l l y)

Feels like I’m surfing on a sound wave Zooming through the universe Feels like we’re bouncing off of light waves I bounce so hard sometimes it hurts

Every time I think I’m stuck The sun moves along and my shadow gets up

If you’re lost; relax; and be where your feet are

Every time I try to follow someone’s way My end result is not the same But then I do that thing – that thing I do that’s just for me And amazing things start happening And again, and again,

Every time I think I’m stuck The sun moves along and my shadow gets up

If you’re lost; relax; and be where your feet are

Outer space is where I’m spacing out Still looking up when I’m feeling down I try to walk the talk I talk but the tale is tall and when I look up It’s still too easy to feel small – still I’ve found…

If you’re lost; just relax; and be where your feet are If you ever get lost; relax; and be where your feet are If you ever get lost; kick back; and be where your feet are If you ever get lost; relax; and be where your feet are Be where your feet are (I’m gonna be right here)

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
Don’t look ahead
.  .  .Just be
WHERE YOUR FEET ARE
and be shocked at the amazing places
not so much that you will go
But Discover
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.  .  .