Tracey Schmidt’s poetic reading of a Blessing for Our Death reminds us of the complexities of life – how we can be gatekeepers and entrance points, light filled and vulnerable, lonely and loved, all at the same time. She praises life and exhorts us to do the same, to “sing as if tomorrow will not come because one day it will not.” This singing of life’s praises enables us to live fully, “as if home were everywhere and you are no longer a guest but a loved and welcome member.”

L   I   V   E
L         I          V          E
W   E   L   L

No matter what religion or spiritual path you follow (or don’t), there’s one topic that fascinates us all:What happens after we die?

Reincarnation? Eternal Heaven? Total blackness and non-existence? Something totally different?

No matter what we believe though, there’s a few basic facts about death that we all know to be true.

The first fact of death is the obvious:
We’ve all been born with a sexually transmitted disease
called: LIFE
and none of us gets out of here
A  L  I  V  E

YES.   .   . we are all going to die. Yes, every single person on this planet is going to die someday, somehow, somewhere.

The second fact is less obvious:

After we die, our lives will be etched in the hearts of others. We live eternally. Forever. In other people.

That’s what today’s video is really about.

It’s about the relationships we forge during our lives that are so powerful they impact people even after we die.

Today’s movie is called “The Funeral.” It starts with a little bit of humor, and it quickly goes deep and gets to the heart of the matter.  .  .a heart that beats like no other when filled with a love that death can’t begin to part let alone forget.     .     .

SO HERE’S THE DEAL:

THE DEEPER YOU LOVE
THE DARKER YOU HURT
so.          .          .
LOVE DEEPER, STILL
LOVE DEEPER, MORE
L                   O                  V                  E     

I wish I could say that Frank Ostaseski is a personal friend of mine. . .
and I’m not so sure that I could even call him a casual acquaintance;
well I did share the stage with him once in Denver, Colorado at a National Hospice and Palliative Care Conference and there was those two times I heard him speak after that. . .and he has responded to a few of my The Caring Catalyst blog posts but friends–no not friends–kindred spirits, well yes. A couple of years ago Frank wrote a book which has quickly become a standard in the field of end-of-life care

B U T
Frank, like you and me
is first and foremost,
H U M A N
with a pulse that beats
blood that flows
lungs that breathe
a brain that thinks
and a heart that’ll one day stop. . .

Frank’s almost did a couple of weeks ago when he suffered a Stroke.
He’s responded well and in fact one week from the time he suffered his stroke he returned back to his houseboat

During his days in the hospital, his wife, Vanda, set up an account on CARINGBRIDGE so she could let one and all know how he was doing by sending out messages that went viral. I particularly like her last post which just appeared a few days ago:

July 20, 2019 

Journal entry by vanda marlow — BUCCATINI WITH LAMB SAUSAGE

Sometimes, being home is as simple as that- Frank’s favorite pasta dish from our local Italian, drenched in Parmesan, with his almost-4 year old Granddaughter holding his hand and leading the Meal Blessing. He had been craving this pasta in the hospital….along with movie watching and cosy blankie afternoons. Hopefully we can do the latter tomorrow, as somehow time accelerates AND stretches like taffy, and we found ourselves reaching the end of the day, both exhausted, in different ways. 

Some truly sweet and connected moments, which I hope I won’t forget; eating Mimi’s farm strawberries and him sharing dreams he’d had in the night. His consciousness is so bright and alive. And then there can be the tired-ness of Little Mind, with its pushy efforts to order time and experience, efforts that make our world hang together here in Consensus Reality. But I am seeing in him the vast freedom of living in Infinite Time rather than Tick Tock time. The shining great heart of compassion that runs very clear in him……Oh and then there was the 90 minute unannounced visit from a Kaiser Home Help Nurse, which was one of the hell realms. It made buying a train ticket in India look simple by comparison.

And so another day ends. Marking one week since the stroke, and as we took an evening stroll down the dock, I felt re-arranged inside. Sitting on a bench, to provide ear rubs to a ginger cat, I realised that the future holds these small precious moments now that all the big plans have blown away.

Thank you for all the love that continues to pour towards us both. It is very humbling. I have begun to read these comments to him, and he gets very quiet and settled – your love is Cranial Sacral for the Soul. 

Deep Bows
Vanda

No more words. . .
LOTS OF FEELINGS
and a sudden urge to have an endless plate of
BUCCATINI WITH LAMB SAUCE
. . .if you have any kind of appetite for living,
REALLY
DEEPLY
PASSIONATELY
s i m p l y
l i v i n g––
join me

Let’s eat and have our fill

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.  I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.  I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.  I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.  I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.  I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.  I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.  I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.  I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.  I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.  I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.  Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.  When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”  There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorry”.   .   .But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.   .   . look at it and really see it.  .  .live it.   .   .and never give it back.
© Erma Bombeck

Classic post, huh?

I am quickly coming up

on yet another Hospice Anniversary.          .          .

I began my Hospice career on October 31, 1994

which has literally been a entire lifetime ago.           .          .

I had two daughters that were 15 and one who was 13

and even harder to believe a 6 year old daughter and a four year old son;

We didn’t have the Internet per se

We didn’t have Smart phones

We didn’t have the pharmaceuticals

We didn’t have the technology

We didn’t have the therapies

We didn’t have the interventions

We didn’t have the supports

we have on this new world of

N          O          W

People died then

as they do today.         .        .

Death hasn’t been eradicated

and though we have new ways to prolong and temporarily escape it

it’s still an unseen death on each of our

C           A           L           E           N           D           A           R           S

I found out early on then

what’s impossible for me to ever forget:

PEOPLE  DIE  BUT  OUR  LOVE  DOESN’T

DEATH  TAKES  A  PERSON,  BUT  NEVER  A  RELATIONSHIP

and that one day

my heart will no longer beat

my lungs won’t inhale/exhale

my pulse will be absent

.          .          .and I will have said

what I have said on countless other’s behalves:

TO THE LIVING I AM GONE
TO THE SORROWFUL I WILL NEVER RETURN
TO THE ANGRY I WAS CHEATED
TO THE HAPPY I AM AT PEACE
TO THE FAITHFUL I HAVE NEVER LEFT
I  CAN’T  BE  SEEN  BUT  I  CAN  STILL  HEAR
I  CAN’T  SPEAK  BUT  I  CAN  STILL  LISTEN
SO  AS  STAND  ON  A  SHORE  LOOKING  AT  THE  SEA
OR  THE  BEAUTY  OF  A  FLOWER
REMEMBER  ME,
THE  TIMES  WE’VE  FOUGHT
THE  TIMES  WE’VE  CRIED
THE  TIMES  WE’VE  LAUGHED
THE  TIMES  WE’VE  LOVED
FOR  IF  YOU  ALWAYS  THINK  OF  ME
I  WILL  HAVE  NEVER  GONE.     .     .

So maybe the biggest question that looms in front of each of us isn’t

Not what will I do on the Day I die.          .          .

so much as

What will I do the day I KNOW I will DIE

.          .          .CLASS  IS  IN  SESSION

and YOU WILL HAVE TO RESPOND

already knowing,

NO RESPONSE

is a RESPONSE.          .          .

The Bad News:

YOU     ARE     GOING     TO     DIE

the Good News:

M A K E     S U R E     Y O U R     B U C K E T   HAS    A    H O L E     I N     I T

If I had my life to live over.     .     .

Y               O               U

have the chance to fill in the blank

.            .            .no written exam available

She’s had over 30 more Christmas’s than me, but she most likely won’t see another one

— h e r e —

with family and friends.

I asked her what her secret was

after she told me that she felt fortunate

for having had a long, blessed life:

K    I     N     D     N     E     S     S

she whispered with a shine in her eye that hadn’t dimmed any.

Sometimes,  I think the best research out there is that which comes from our own experiences and then,

well then,

we actually  N O T I C E   it.

My personal research over these past twenty   p l u s   years of bedside sitting

has taught me that people don’t expect

or want much towards the end of their lives.    .    .

 J  U  S  T      A      P  E  R  S  O  N      W  H  O:

Took time to sit with them 

Was a good listener

Helped keep their pride and self-respect

Maintained Confidentiality

Was trustworthy, dependable, patient

Respected and championed their rights as a patient

Helped their family and them to maintain as much control as possible over the situation

Heard them and responded appropriately; laughed with them, cried with them

Accepted them totally, was not upset by their physical appearance or limitations

Was comfortable with herself or himself

Was comfortable with silence and with touching

Was aware of our own limitations

Was realistic about death

Could support them without having to give support

Was unbiased, non-judgmental

Would remain a friend to their family after they died

Could help them live until they died

Was Kind

No diplomas necessary

No special certifications

No ordinations

No money exchanged

No

Excuses!

It’s been said by many before and most likely never heard enough:

WHEN YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF BEING KIND OR RIGHT. . .

be kind

always

(all-ways)

. . .Discover what it really means to be a

C A R I N G    C A T A L Y S T– W H O   C A R E S

Are you included in the 90%

Are you a part of the ever growing

not-so-much-of-a-minority

any longer

group

of the

C         O         U         L         D         A

S         H         O         U         L         D         A

W         O         U         L         D         A

Continent

9 0 %

90%  of the people say they have a major

R          E          G           R            E          T

about something in their lives.          .          .

You?

Regret is the second most frequently mentioned emotion after

l        o        v        e.       .       .

Researchers from Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management

found that our biggest regrets tend to revolve around

Romance:  18.1%

Family: 15.9%

Education: 13.1%

Career 12.2%

Finance 9.9%

and that we feel the most regret about missed chances:

In the long run, we’re more likely to regret things we didn’t do

than things we

d  i  d     d  o.        .        .   

The   W  H  Y    of   it  all:

“Our ‘psychological immune system’ helps us recover from bad experiences quicker than we assume, thanks to our ability to rationalize and reframe how we see things.   .  .But it’s harder to use these tricks to get over never having tried something in the first place.    .    .    .” 

So.        .        .

what’s a Ninety-percenter to do?

According to Bronnie Ware’s book,

THE  TOP  FIVE  REGRETS  OF  THE  DYING

you’ll be much more satisfied at the end of your life

if   you:

L I V E     A     L I F E     T H A T ‘ S     M O R E     M E A N I N G F U L     T O     Y O U

H A V E     T H E     C O U R A G E     T O     E X P R E S S     Y O U R     F E E L I N G S

S I M P L Y     A L L O W     Y O U R S E L F     T O     B E     H A P P I E R

P R I O R I T I Z E     F A M I L Y     T I M E     O V E R     L O N G     H O U R S     A T     W O R K

S T A Y     I N     T O U C H     W I T H     O L D     F R I E N D S

Maybe Ted Hughes, the British Poet Laureate was right:

“The only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough.  Nothing else really counts at all.”

Maybe the Chinese Proverb is correct:

If you want to be happy for an hour–take a nap

If you want to be happy for a day–go fishing

If you want to be happy for a month–get married

If you want to be happy for a year–inherit a fortune

If you want to be happy for a lifetime–

H  E  L  P      O T H E R S

Being a Caring Catalyst

not only means giving up a life of regrets

but picking up  o p p o r t u n i t i e s  to

make others happier.     .     .

Hey,

if you want to build skills for a happier life with fun,

science-based  activities and games

then you can click in:

www.happify.com

If you want to begin

at this very moment

become a

Certified  Caring  Catalyst

Uhhhhhhhhh.         .           .

need I say it.           .           .

 need you read it.       .       .

Y   O   U

W   O   N   ‘    T

R    E    G    R    E    T       I    T

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