I can’t ever remember a time when I didn’t
FEEL IT
but after nearly 40 years of being Ordained
I FEEL IT
more strongly now than ever before
and have a better way of
c o m m u n i c a t i n g
it than well over 40 plus years ago. . .

The most debatable question that I have ever had to answer at any of the four churches (FIVE if you include the three years I served my Student Church in Seminary) and now 25 years of being a Hospice Chaplain
is:

AM I WRONG TO THINK THAT JESUS
CAME LESS TO SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME
AND MORE TO BRING HEAVEN
TO MY HELL. . . ?

I never could get my
h e a d
h e a r t
s o u l
around a God who loves me
u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y
who’s Son died for the sins of the world
being weaker/less
than my worst flaw and blatant wrongnesses. . .

My Caring Catalyst
s o u l
just can’t quite figure it all out
but it doesn’t
F E E L
right
THIS THEOLOGY of HELL
we’re bound
unless, until, except, if, but,
Y O U
should
better
ought-to
have-to. . .

Sometimes
The Well-Worn Prayer
F I N D S
and Prays for
U S

W a i t. . .
W h a t. . ?
Can it be
T H A T
s i m p l e
?

H E Y:
What would happen if we substituted whatever we call
GOD
MOHAMMED
ALLAH
BUDDHA
HIGHER POWER
ENERGY
SPIRIT
SUPREME BEING
O THOU WHO ART FOREVER
with the word:
L O V E. . .

Make Life or the Living of it
a little
d i f f e r e n t. . . .
(it really can)

THE  TIME. . .

Do you have it?

Do you possess. . .o w n  it?

Was there just one, specific, distinct time you actually did. . .

When  T I M E

in reality. . .

S     T     O     P     P     E     D  ?

Monday

8/10/15

3:15:54 p.m.

was my

T       H       A       T

moment. . .

my point in time. . . .

When you find yourself on the other side of the sheets, you not only find them rougher, unsoothing, cutting, severely less than anything that could be considered comfortable. . .

THESE ARE THE  KNOWNS

from  THAT  side of the sheets.

It’s the

U          N          K          N          O          W          N          S

that makes the other side of the sheets so

g r a v e l l y

It had just been some 34 hours since Erin’s last of five seizures and there was a lot of disorientation, a vastness of confusion from her to me to the medical staff compassionately attempting to get an

exactness

on her condition. . .trying to isolate the

WHY, THE HOW COME, THE WHAT-FOR 

of it all.

Blood tests were taken; EEG was being studied; CT Scan was being evaluated; a not-so-good-MRI without Contrast freshly finished and now, literally in the middle of a Spinal Tap,

standing behind a thin curtain where I could hear the conversations of the medical staff, Erin and my daughter Zoey who was permitted to be present for The Tap to keep her mom still. . .

I felt the light hand pressure of another one of Erin’s Doctor’s on my shoulder.

When I turned around, she motioned me to come into the hall way

and in the few steps away from the curtain, The Procedure,

it took me to follow her to the hallway

my heart was a war drum in my chest. . .

a beat I can’t remember ever duplicated

because I knew in that very moment

at that VERY TIME

my life. . .

our life. . .

was potentially about the change

for an ever.

“We weren’t able to get an MRI with Contrast because she was moving around to much for us to administer the contrast, but we got a good enough MRI to definitively rule out any tumor or mass, any Hemorrhages or Bleeds and no sign of any Stroke.  We believe that it is an infection or a virus but we already were very proactive and began her on a high-powered IV Antibiotic, Acyclovir that should more than be capable of taking care of the infection. . .This is very good news, Congratulations.  Hopefully, this spinal tap will reveal what we are fighting. . . .”

I looked down at my watch as she turned and walked away.

My watch was blurry. . .

salt water in the eyes, causes that. . . .

I took a picture of my running watch.

I wanted to freeze that moment. . .

isolate it. . .

set it a part. . .

always recognize it. . .

OWN    IT

Monday, August 10, 2015; 3:15:54 p.m.

The other side of the sheets didn’t get any less rougher at that moment,

but they certainly got readjusted, fluffed up and  fabreezed

. . .the corners still weren’t tucked in, the center all smoothed out

their appearance mocked their texture. . .still

The Watch. . .kept keeping time. . .

held it prisoner

for what any Watch, Clock or Time Piece never fully reveals. . .

The All-Powerful

N     E     X     T

. . .because even if it’s GOOD NEWS. . .

there’s always a NEXT

. . .like when we found out that there was no mass or tumors, no hemorrhages, no stroke and with the early spinal tap results. . .

NO INFECTIONS/DISEASES. . .

N          E          X          T   !

(This is the second installment of four of THE ROUGH SIDE OF THE SHEETS; these are some of the lessons experienced, learned, and now hopefully, shared.  It’s my hope that you enjoy these journey-ings, and more, take the time to share a few of yours so that we can all learn a little more about those razor blade laden sheets. . .and in the sharing, soften them a little)