T               O               D               A               Y

Friday, JANUARY 13, 2023 is
NATIONAL QUITTERS DAY.          .         .
It’s always the second Friday in January
and yes.         .        .
just in case you miss celebrating
TODAY
No WORRIES–
Monday, January 16  is
NATIONAL DITCH NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION DAY

.               .               .uhhhh, most likely you might miss
THAT DAY, too
b          u          t

Lot of questions.       .       .

especially when it surrounds

R E S O L U T I O N S.           .          .

DO   YOU

Make   T H E M

Keep   T H E M

Break  T H  E  M

.          .          .Uhhhhhhhhhh just like everything else.          .          .

There’s a SCIENCE

To Resolutions

and Most Definitely why they just don’t work.          .          .

GOOD  NEWS ?

Only If there’s another alternative.          .          .

one  that
T H E   S T U D I E S

tell us are much more effective:

H                 A                 B                 I                  T                 S

How many New Year’s resolutions have you made in your life? How many have you successfully accomplished? The estimate is that less than 10% of New Year’s resolutions are actually achieved so says the good Psychology Professor John C. Norcross, Ph.D.). There’s a lot of homespun folksy advice out there this time of year about how to make sure you reach your New Year’s goals, but I thought I’d share the actual science of how to change behavior.

There’s two main lines of brain and behavior science that influence New Year’s resolutions: The science of habits and the science of self-stories.

Let’s start with the science of habits

A lot of New Year’s resolutions have to do with making new habits or changing existing ones. If your resolutions are around things like eating healthier, exercising more, drinkingless, quitting smoking, texting less, spending more time “unplugged” or any number of other “automatic” behaviors then we are talking about changing existing habits or making new habits. Habits are automatic, “conditioned” responses. You get up in the morning and stop at Starbucks for a pastry and a latte. You go home at the end of work and plop down in front of the TV.  Here’s what you need to know about the science of changing existing habits or making new ones:

• Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not hard to change habits IF you do so based on science.
• To change a new habit you essentially have to create a new one, so whether you are changing an existing habit or creating a new one, the “scientific” method for doing so is the same.
• You have already created literally HUNDREDS of habits that you have now, and you don’t even remember how they got started, so creating habits can’t be that hard or you wouldn’t have so many of them!

To create a new habit you have to follow these three steps (based on B.J. Fogg and Charles Duhigg)

1. You MUST pick a small action. “Get more exercise” is not small. “Eat healthier” is not small. This is a big reason why New Year’s resolutions don’t work. If it’s a habit and you want a new one it MUST be something really small. For example, instead of “Get more exercise” choose “Walk 1/3 more than I usually do” or “Take the stairs each morning to get to my office, not the elevator”, or “Have a smoothie every morning with kale in it”. These are relatively small actions.
2. You MUST attach the new action to a previous habit. Figure out a habit you already have that is well established, for example, if you already go for a brisk walk 3 times a week, then adding on 10 more minutes to the existing walk connects the new habit to an existing one. The existing habit “Go for walk” now becomes the “cue” for the new habit: “Walk 10 more minutes.” Your new “stimulus-response” is Go For Walk (Stimulus) followed by “Add 10 minutes.” Your existing habit of “walk through door at office” can now become the “cue” or stimulus for the new habit of “walk up a flight of stairs.” Your existing habit of “Walk into the kitchen in the morning” can now be the stimulus for the new habit of “Make a kale smoothie.”
3. You MUST make the new action EASY to do for at least the first week. Because you are trying to establish a conditioned response, you need to practice the new habit from the existing stimulus from 3 to 7 times before it will “stick” on its own. To help you through this 3 to 7 times phase make it as EASY as possible. Write a note and stick it in your walking shoe that says “Total time today for walk is 30 minutes”. Write a note and put it where you put your keys that says: “Today use the stairs.” Put the kale in the blender and have all your smoothie ingredients ready to go in one spot in the refrigerator

E                  A                    S                    Y

If you take these three steps and you practice them 3 to 7 days in a row your new habit will be established.

Now let’s tackle the science of self-stories

The best (and some would say the only) way to get a large and long-term behavior change, is by changing your self-story.

Everyone has stories about themselves that drive their behavior. You have an idea of who you are and what’s important to you. Essentially you have a “story” operating about yourself at all times. These self-stories have a powerful influence on decisions and actions.

Whether you realize it or not, you make decisions based on staying true to your self-stories. Most of this decision-making based on self-stories happens unconsciously. You strive to be consistent. You want to make decisions that match your idea of who you are. When you make a decision or act in a way that fits your self-story, the decision or action will feel right. When you make a decision or act in a way that doesn’t fit your self-story you feel uncomfortable.

If you want to change your behavior and make the change stick, then you need to first change the underlying self-story that is operating. Do you want to be more optimistic? Then you’d better have an operating self-story that says you are an optimistic person. Want to join your local community band? Then you’ll need a self-story where you are outgoing and musical.

In his book, Redirect, Timothy Wilson describes a large body of impressive research of how stories can change behavior long-term. One technique he has researched is “story-editing”:

“W E L L     T H A T ‘ S     N O T      V E R Y     N I C E ,”

was always an admonishment no kid ever wanted to hear from the Front Seat

as they were driving down the road.     .     .

Maybe it had to do with not sharing some candy
Maybe it had to do with not giving what you weren’t currently using
Maybe it had to do with what you said
Maybe it had to do with what you didn’t say
Maybe it had to do with

____________________.        .        .

Bottom line:

It Feels

 R     E     A     L     L     Y         G     O     O    D

to  just  be

K         I         N         D

You’d think that the only type of Scientific Study necessary would just be

Y O U.      .      .

your own  S E L F.       .       .

Seriously, do you need a Scientist, complete with attached wires, blood, saliva, skin tests and who knows what kinds of bodily functional fluids would be needed to measure what you more than know when

YOU ARE KIND
or
SOMEONE IS KIND TO YOU?

A group of Researchers from Northeastern University held a Compassion Training class for research subjects. Afterwards, one by one, subjects were called to attend a meeting. Before it began, they entered a waiting room with three chairs. Two were occupied by actors, leading the participant to sit down at the third.

“AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, A WOMAN WOULD WALK IN ON CRUTCHES–WINCING IN PAIN–AND LEAN AGAINST THE WALL. THE ACTORS LOOKED AWAY AND DIDN’T GIVE UP THEIR CHAIRS,” says the Researcher. Of those who had received the Compassion Training, around half stood up to offer their chair to the woman, and for those who had not, the figure was just 15%. They concluded that

“OUR  WILLINGNESS  TO  HELP  STRANGERS  IS  FLEXIBLE,  AND  CAN  BE SHAPED  BY  SMALL  CHANGES  IN  PERCEPTION.”

The best Conclusion:

IN  A  WORLD  WHERE  MOST  ARE  UNHAPPY  IN  THEIR  DAY-TO-DAY LIFE, KINDNESS  OFFERS  AN  ALTERNATIVE  FOR  BOTH  PERSONAL  BENEFIT  AND POTENTIALLY   A   GREATER   SOCIAL   BENEFIT.  .  .

They Concluded even further that being Kind:

Rewires  your  mind  for  better  health
Shifts  our  Capacities  to  be  even  Kinder
Can  actually  help  the  “Bottom Line”  of  our  finances
Makes  the  People  around  us  Kinder  because  We  are  Kinder
Changes  Ourselves  and  thus,  Others.       .       .

Shocking?
Amazing?
Unbelievable?
Astonishing?
Impressive?

H A R D L Y.        .        .

Answer just one not-so-scientific-question:

D O      I      F E E L      B E T T E R      A F T E R      B E I N G      K I N D ?

Hmmmmmmmm.         .         .

So be Kind
And then be Kind again
And again
Over and Over.         .         .

B E
T  H  A  T
S     E     L     F     I     S     H

and  Change  the  World!

( e  s  p  e  c  i  a  l  l  y      y  o  u  r  s )

S i m p l e    Q u e s t i o n:

W H A T      M A K E S     Y O U     H A P P Y ?

A good Cigar

Some fine music 

Adult Beverage

A Book

A Beautiful Outside Setting

?               ?               ?               ?               ?

Not for everyone, huh?

Is there that overwhelming

100%

slam-dunk

one-size-fits-and-pleases-all

solution to

W          O          R          L          D

or

p e r s o n a l

H            A            P            P            I            N            E            S            S

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.       .        .

the answer might not

uhhhh make yoiu

h          a          p          p          y.             .             .

Maybe it’s just being overemphasized;

Did you know that

H A P P I N E S S

has it’s own it’s own

h     o     l     i     d     a     y ?

Just a few years ago

The General Assembly of the United Nations

proclaimed MARCH 20

to the be the

International Day of Happiness.       .       .

Oops.          .          .

I missed it;

I didn’t celebrate.          .          .

But it is easy to see why

H A P P I N E S S

is worth celebrating:

Happy people are healthier;

they get sick less often

THEY     LIVE     L O N G E R

Happy people have better realtionships

more friends

make more money

are more productive at work.     .     .

Based on decades of research

it’s become very clear

that Happiness is not just a personal issue;

it’s a matter of public health,

global economics

and natural well being

B           U          T

it’s subjective, isn’t it?

THE   GREATER   GOOD   SCIENCE   CENTER

(Yes, it really does exist–Google it)

They simply recommend through

S   C   I   E   N   T   I   F   I   C        S   T   U   D   Y

ACKNOWLEDGE    THE    GOOD

(WRITE DOWN 3 THINGS A DAY YOU ARE GRATEFUL )

ADD    HAPPINESS   THROUGH   SUBTRACTION 

(GIVE IT UP PRACTICE–GIVE UP WHAT YOU REALLY LIKE JUST FOR A LITTLE BIT OF TIME SO YOU CAN APPRECIATE IT EVEN ALL THE MORE)

FIND MEANING AND PURPOSE

(TAKE PICTURES OF PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE MEANINGFUL TO YOU AND LITERALLY JOURNAL FOR 15 MINUTES A DAY JUST ABOUT YOUR IDEAL FUTURE AND WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE)

USE   YOUR   STRENGTH

(PICK ONE OF YOUR STRENGTHS AND USE IT EXCLUSIVELY IN A NEW AND DIFFERENT WAY FOR A WEEK AND THEN ANOTHER AND THEN ANOTHER. . . )

CONNECT     WITH     OTHERS

(JUST DO FIVE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS A DAY–NOT OVER A WEEK, BUT A DAY FOR A WEEK; STUDIES SHOUT THAT WHEN YOU DO–GIVE–IT SIGNIFICANTLY MAKES YOU HAPPIER)

WHAT      REALLY     MAKES     YOU     HAPPY ?

It’s different for everyone

T       H       A       N       K       F       U       L       L       Y  

QUICK  ANSWER:

WHATEVER   FEEDS   YOUR   SOUL

but you’ve got to

ACTUALLY  FEED  YOUR  SOUL

it won’t happen

through osmosis 

IF HAPPINESS IS A TRAIN

YOU DON’T HAVE TO RIDE THE CABOOSE

OR JUST BE A PASSENGER

WATING TO GO TO THE DINING CAR

ENGINEER THAT TRAIN

AND TOOT-TOOT YOURSELF DOWN THE TRACK 

NOT TO HAPPINESS

BUT TO YOUR

S E V E N T H     H E A V E N 

SEE YOU AT THE STATION!

CHOOO-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!