The Caring Catalyst http://thecaringcatalyst.com Who Cares - What Matters Wed, 02 Aug 2023 00:25:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 52309807 WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY MIGHT NOT http://thecaringcatalyst.com/what-makes-you-happy-might-not/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/what-makes-you-happy-might-not/#respond Wed, 02 Aug 2023 11:00:20 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5988

Surprising Things You Think Are Making You Happy—But Are Doing the Opposite

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Angela Haupt from Greater Good Magazine recently did a deep dive on HAPPINESS…what we think it is and maybe.   .   .what it’s really not.      .      .Fat salaries and corporate success aren’t the gateways to happiness they’re cracked up to be. But it makes sense that we might think they are. “We’re fed such an incredibly dense diet of popular media and marketing that shapes our understanding of happiness in a way that actually gets in the way of it,” says Emiliana Simon-Thomas, science director at the University of California at Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. “I think we as a society, particularly in the West, have a bit of an illusion about where happiness comes from and how to get more of it.”

Researchers have long sought to sort fact from fiction when it comes to pinpointing what increases happiness. Here are six surprising things we often think are making us happy—but that might actually be doing the opposite.

Dodging your negative emotions

Being happy is a lofty goal. Squashing negative emotions like anger, fear, and resentment is surely a step in the right direction, right?

It turns out the opposite is true—and experts say that’s the No. 1 thing most people get wrong about the pursuit of happiness. “We have the mistaken idea that a happy, meaningful life means feeling good all the time and avoiding our negative emotions,” says Laurie Santos, a cognitive scientist and professor of psychology at Yale University. “But the evidence suggests that suppressing our negative emotions can be a recipe for making those emotions worse.”

Research has concluded that suppressing negative emotions is a “barrier to good health.” One study suggests bottling up emotions like frustration or disgust can make people more aggressive; another indicates that the habit can lead to lower social support and fewer close relationships. Additional researchhas linked suppressing emotions to an increased risk of early death from any cause.

It’s much healthier to reframe how we think about happiness, Simon-Thomas says, and to accept that it includes the full spectrum of emotions. Remind yourself that when you’re scrolling past beaming faces on social media, you’re only seeing part of the story, and it’s not possible or healthy for anyone to constantly be happy.

Once we redefine what happiness means, “there’s a way to relate to our unpleasant emotions that’s more restorative—more growth- and learning-oriented,” Simon-Thomas notes. It’s important to practice self-compassion, and to recognize that when we feel bad, the answer isn’t to stifle those emotions or berate ourselves. “Rather, we need to understand what they’re for,” she says. Practicing mindfulness can help some people figure out how to acknowledge and cope with difficult emotions in a healthy way, as can a specific framework called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT. The approach helps teach people to accept their inner emotions instead of avoiding them.

Living in a city

Some of the great American cultural icons—from Frank Sinatra to Jay-Z—have waxed poetic about life in metropolitan areas like New York. But waking up in a city that never sleeps isn’t necessarily good for inner peace.

Research has found that urban living often translates to stress, anxiety, and plain old unhappiness. According to one study, people who resided in cities were 21% more likely than those in rural areas to experience an anxiety disorder, and 39% more likely to have a mood disorder like major depression. In another study, those based in areas with lots of road noise were 25% more likely to report depression symptoms than people living in quiet neighborhoods. (One potential reason: Noise can interrupt sleep, which is a crucial component of mental health.) Research has linked simply being in the presence of high-rise buildings to worse moods and feelings of powerlessness.

One reason why cities have these impacts is that our brains are only wired to live in social groups of about 150 people, says Colin Ellard, a neuroscientist at Canada’s University of Waterloo, who studies how natural and built places affect emotion and physiology. Of course, most places have a bigger population than that—but in a smaller town, you won’t pass all of them on the street during your morning commute. “Once the size of our group exceeds that, we’re basically in a situation where we’re living among strangers, and that is cognitively and emotionally taxing,” he says. Feeling crowded in a high-density area can, for example, lead to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Plus, “people struggle mentally in situations where they don’t feel in control over their circumstances,” which is common in cities—there’s nothing you can do to get the taxis to stop honking or to clear a crowded sidewalk.

Fortunately, if you’re a city-dweller and plan to remain one, there are ways to protect your mental health. Even brief exposures to natural areas like urban parks can help, Ellard says, as can trading a bus commute for a walk or bike ride. And investing in black-out curtains and a white-noise machine can help improve sleep quality in loud, bright neighborhoods.

Having tons of free time

Researchers have long known that having enough discretionary time is crucial for wellbeing—but it turns out that having too much free time may be almost as bad as having too little.

According to a study published in 2021 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, wellbeing increases in correlation with free time, but only to a certain extent. The benefits level off after about two hours, and decline around five hours of free time per day. “What we found is that if you have a lot of discretionary time, you’re not necessarily happier, and in some cases, you’re actually less happy,” says study author Marissa Sharif, an assistant professor of marketing at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. “The reason for that is you don’t feel like you’re productive anymore, and you feel like you lack purpose and meaning.”

Still, how you spend your free time matters. When people with more than five hours spent it with others—or felt like they were passing it in a productive, meaningful way—they didn’t experience a drop in well-being. Some of the activities that helped participants feel like they were optimizing their time included exercising, participating in group activities, and pursuing a hobby like gardening or studying a new language. Scrolling through social media or using the computer, on the other hand, made people feel less happy about how they’d spent their free time.

“If you do happen to have lots of time, just think consciously about how you’re spending it,” Sharif says. “Think about how to use that time in a way that makes you feel like you have meaning, or purpose, or like you’re productive.”

Chasing success

From the time we’re little kids, many of us are taught that if we work hard, we’ll land the perfect, high-paying job, get a flashy promotion (and then another), and live happily ever after. It’s the American Dream.

But experts say checking off those accomplishments won’t actually make you happier—at least not for long. The false notion that achieving success will lead to long-lasting happiness is called the arrival fallacy, says Tal Ben-Shahar, co-founder of the online Happiness Studies Academy. “Most people believe that if you win the lottery or get that raise or promotion, or win a tournament, then you’ll be all set,” he notes. “This actually leads millions—if not billions—of people on the path to unhappiness. Because at best, what success does is lead to a temporary spike in our levels of wellbeing, not to lasting happiness.”

Almost as soon as we achieve one goal, we often become fixated on the next, ending up trapped in an endless cycle of not appreciating what we have. Plus, success frequently translates to more stress and less time for things we care about, like our families. In one classic study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, professors who had either received or been denied tenure were asked to rate their happiness, and both groups had similar scores. (That’s despite significant career differences, including higher pay and job security.) When assistant professors who weren’t yet eligible for tenure were asked how achieving such a milestone would affect them, they tended to overestimate how happy the change would make them.

Discovering the fleeting nature of happiness following a big accomplishment can feel like a letdown. But there are ways to stretch out the positive feelings success initially brings, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California Riverside and author of books including The Myths of Happiness. For example, if you change jobs, aim to keep feelings of novelty alive by seeking out new challenges and opportunities: “Meeting new people, learning new things—if we’re able to do that,” we’ll fend off feelings of staleness, she says. So sign up for an online course in some new skill you’d like to explore, and schedule networking coffees with colleagues you don’t know very well yet. Doing so may lift your spirits and invigorate you.

Anonymity

It’s natural to want to blend in some of the time: to keep our heads down, avert eye contact, and mind our own business. But the pursuit of anonymity isn’t doing us any favors, says John Helliwell, one of the founding editors of the World Happiness Report, a publication of the Sustainable Development Solutions Network, a nonprofit launched by the United Nations.

He references an experiment in which participants were asked what might happen if they lost a wallet with $200 in it. How likely did they think it was that a police officer, neighbor, local clerk, or stranger would return it? People who believed they lived in an environment in which someone would return their wallet were much happier than those who didn’t think they’d get it back. “We found it was really important for people to feel that they live in a society where other people care about them,” Helliwell says. “If you believe that other people will return your wallet, you’re more likely to return their wallets—and you’re likely to feel happier because these are the people who watch out for your kids when they’re walking to school, who tell you to ‘watch out’ if you’re about to run into a curb.”

To foster this sense of community belonging, Helliwell issues a few challenges. The next time you’re walking down the street, think to yourself: “These are all people who would return my wallet if I dropped it,” and offer them a smile instead of quickly looking away. Or start a conversation. “Turn your next elevator ride from a place to read your mail, or to look at the elevator inspection certificate, into an opportunity to say hello to someone,” he says. “Because it’s that connection that’s going to make both of you happy.”

Buying fancy things

Money and happiness have a complicated relationship. Earning a decent salary does improve how happy you are—but only to a certain point. Researchsuggests that Americans tend to feel happier in correlation with the amount of money they make up to about $75,000 a year per person (and $105,000 per yearin more expensive North American areas); after that, emotional well-being levels off.

But exactly how we spend our money can also impact happiness, says Michael Norton, a professor at Harvard Business School and co-author of the book Happy Money. Research suggests that buying stuff—designer clothing, shiny new cars, the latest gadgets—doesn’t make us happy. Rather, as people become more materialistic, their well-being plummets.

People who spend money on experiences instead of material things, however, tend to enjoy greater happiness. That’s likely because fun activities facilitate social connection and can be appreciated for what they are, not compared to someone else’s experiences (which isn’t the case with consumer goods). Experiences don’t need to be big vacations, either: “Going out for lunch with a friend instead of buying yourself some [trivial] thing” counts too, Norton says.

Spending money on others rather than on yourself can also improve happiness, Norton’s research indicates. “Giving really does pay off more than spending on yourself,” he says. “And it’s not like you have to do a billion-dollar foundation.” Only have $5 to give? “That day is going to be a happier day.”

HERE IS TO HAPPINESS.         .         .
WHAT IT IS
WHAT IT ISN’T
WHAT WE THINK
WHAT WE CAN’T IMAGINE.       .        .

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/what-makes-you-happy-might-not/feed/ 0 5988 ETHICAL WHISPERINGS http://thecaringcatalyst.com/ethically-whisperings/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/ethically-whisperings/#respond Wed, 19 Jul 2023 11:00:04 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5975

When it comes to our ETHICS these days sometimes it’s less speaking and more hushed whispering or worse.        .        .a shushing

Are People Really Becoming Less Ethical?

A new study questions the common view that people are less kind, honest, and moral than they used to be.  .  .

Jill Suttie from Greater Good Magazine took a look behind the not so transparent ethical curtain to give us a different look at our ethics, or lack thereof.       .        .

When we read the news, it’s hard not to get depressed about the state of the world. Stories of vitriolic politicians, unethical CEOs, and indifference to the suffering of others fill its pages, leaving us feeling like goodness and morality are nowhere to be found.

According to a recent Gallup poll, people in the United States think that morality is at an all-time low. But, according to a new study, this belief is likely an illusion, based on the way our minds work—not a conclusion based on evidence.

In the study, recently published in Nature, researchers looked at several surveys of hundreds of thousands of Americans and people from 59 other nations around the world. In the surveys, participants had shared their views on whether honesty, ethical behavior, and moral values had been increasing or decreasing in their society or country.

In every country polled, people tended to think moral, ethical behavior was on the decline. This belief held steady no matter when the survey was given, too (whether 1949 or 2019)—suggesting that people always tend to see morality as waning in their lifetime. This perception seems unlikely to be true, says lead researcher Adam Mastroianni, formerly a postdoctoral student at Columbia University.

“You might think that people are sensitive to things happening around them or in their country, and that dictates what they think about people getting better or worse (from a moral conduct standpoint),” he says. “But it doesn’t seem that way, because pretty much whomever you ask, and wherever and whenever you ask them, people give you the same answer—people are less kind today than they used to be.”

To further study this, he and his coauthor, Daniel Gilbert, conducted their own surveys polling Americans about their views of present versus past morality. They asked people to rate how “kind, honest, nice, and good” people were then compared to past years (2, 4, 10, or 20 years earlier) or compared to when the participant was born or turned 20 years old. The researchers also considered the age, political orientation, gender, race, education, and parental status of the participants, to see how that affected their answers.

In all cases, people believed that morality was in steady decline. It didn’t matter if the comparison was made between now and two years ago or now and 20 or more years ago.

“It’s not just that people think the 1950s were great, and then it got worse in the ’60s, and it’s been bad ever since then,” says Mastroianni. “People think, even in the recent past, that people treated one another with more kindness and respect.”

Some people saw more moral decay than others, though. Politically conservative participants thought morality was dropping more precipitously than liberal participants did (though liberals also saw morality in steady decline). Older people tended to see more decline in morality than younger people, too. But it didn’t seem to be because of their age, but rather because they were considering longer stretches of time (for example, comparing current morality to when they were born).

“Older people do say over the course of their lives that there’s been more decline than younger people do; but, of course, their lives have been longer,” says Mastroianni. “Young people are basically on track to look like older people when they get older—which suggests that this isn’t about the idiosyncratic experiences of individuals, but about the way that human minds work.”

Is it all in our heads?

None of this proves that morality isn’t in decline, though. Perhaps people’s perceptions are accurate, and we really are becoming less kind and ethical over time.

But past evidence suggests otherwise. As psychologist Steven Pinker notes in his books, based on hundreds of studies and surveys on societal trends over time, there is less violence and fewer wars in the world than there used to be (despite what people think), and crime is generally down. At least some research finds that people tend to be less selfish these days than in the past, and common myths about generational character differences—that Boomers are selfish or millennials are more entitled—appear to be unfounded.

Adding to that evidence, Mastroianni and Gilbert analyzed some other available surveys: Between 1965 and 2020, over 4 million respondents around the world had reported on their own and others’ moral behavior, in response to questions like “Were you treated with respect all day yesterday?” and “Would you say that most of the time people try to be helpful, or that they are mostly just looking out for themselves?” and “During the past 12 months, how often have you carried a stranger’s belongings, like groceries, a suitcase, or shopping bag?”

After analyzing these responses, Mastroianni and Gilbert found that, no matter the year, people saw their own behavior and the behavior of people around them as generally good, with little personal experience of immoral behavior to back up their belief that morality was slipping. This was true 90% of the time, says Mastroianni, and was true for both Americans and people from other countries.

This is why Mastroianni thinks that people’s views around moral decline are an illusion.

“If people are far less kind today than they used to be even just a couple years ago, it should be easy to find some evidence of that shift. So, if you ask people how they were treated today, fewer people should say ‘yes’ today than they did five years ago,” he says. “But we find no evidence of that going on. In fact, we find pretty strong evidence that it’s not going on.”

So, if morality isn’t going down the tubes, where does this misperception come from? There could be many reasons, but two stick out for Mastroianni: our tendency to focus more on the negative than the positive in life, which media exploit by emphasizing negative news; and our tendency to remember good things more fondly, while the badness of bad memories fades with time. When we are constantly bombarded with stories of unethical, immoral behavior from a handful of bad actors, we give them more weight than our own personal experience. Similarly, if we try to remember what the world was like in the past, we may look at it with rose-colored glasses.

“If you put these two phenomena together . . . you can produce an illusion where every day the world looks bad, but every day you also remember yesterday being better,” says Mastroianni.

Why we need to check our biases

Why does this matter? Mastroianni says that it’s important to know if society is actually in moral decline or not. We need goodness and kindness to function as a society, and if those are missing, we’ll need to focus on changing that.

On the other hand, if it’s an illusion, we could be spending time trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist. He points to Gallup polls in which a majority of Americans say they think government should address the moral breakdown of the country—which might be a waste of time and money and take away from other important priorities.

Unfortunately, our biases, while leading us astray in some ways, are also fairly hard-wired—and for some good reasons. Being alert to negative news can make us more cautious and keep us safer, and looking at the past more benignly can help us feel good and move on from bad events in our lives that might otherwise keep us stuck.

Still, Mastroianni worries that if we have an overall pessimistic view about people’s morality, it may interfere with trusting others, which could lead to social problems. It might make it harder for people to do business with each other or have the courage to go on dates or form loving relationships.

While he wishes our daily news diet was less sensationalist and provided more context, he doesn’t see that happening anytime soon. But one thing people could do to lessen this warped view is to try practicing a bit more humility. When comparing the present to the past or past generations to younger generations, we should be a lot more cautious about making judgments about their morality or any other character trait.

“Just because a feeling comes to mind easily—like people are less moral than they used to be—doesn’t mean that you’re actually right,” he says. “The ease of thinking something is not an indication of its accuracy.”
BE CAREFUL OF THE LENSES YOU VIEW OTHERS.        .         .
Just SEE them in a way
that they feel
R     E     C     O     G     N     I     Z     E     D

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/ethically-whisperings/feed/ 0 5975 THE KINDNESS COST http://thecaringcatalyst.com/the-kindness-cost/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/the-kindness-cost/#respond Fri, 07 Jul 2023 11:00:30 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5960

A Lady asked an old street vendor: “How much do you sell your eggs for?” The old man replied“0.50¢ an egg, madam.” The Lady responded, “I’ll take 6 eggs for $2.00 or I’m leaving.” The old salesman replied, “Buy them at the price you want, Madam. This is a good start for me because I haven’t sold a single egg today and I need this to live.”

main-qimg-75fc9c51507193f830419e1ac42592d1.jpeg

She bought her eggs at a bargain price and left with the feeling that she had won. She got into her fancy car and went to a fancy restaurant with her friend. She and her friend ordered what they wanted. They ate a little and left a lot of what they had asked for. So they paid the bill, which was $150. The ladies gave $200 and told the fancy restaurant owner to keep the change as a tip.

This story might seem quite normal to the owner of the fancy restaurant, but very unfair to the egg seller. The question it raises is;

Why do we always need to show that we have power when we buy from the needy?

And why are we generous to those who don’t even need our generosity?

I once read somewhere that a father used to buy goods from poor people at a high price, even though he didn’t need the things. Sometimes he paid more for them. His children were amazed. One day they asked him “why are you doing this dad?” The father replied: “It’s charity wrapped in dignity.”

Being A Caring Catalyst won’t cost you anything but it’ll make you richer than any lottery winning. Invest in what compounds by one kind moment to the next one and it’ll no longer be about mere facts and figures, because it’ll figure much more than any known fact.      .      .     .
MAKE SURE YOUR CUP OF KINDNESS
IS ALWAYS FULL ENOUGH 
FOR ANOTHER GULP
SO THAT OTHERS
MAY DRINK DEEPLY
WITH A QUENCHING
THAT’LL NEVER KNOW
ANY OTHER THIRST.          .          .

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/the-kindness-cost/feed/ 0 5960 FOUND/TONIGHT http://thecaringcatalyst.com/found-tonight/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/found-tonight/#respond Mon, 26 Jun 2023 11:00:02 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5953

MARCH 19, 2018 was when this was first posted on YouTube and with well over 20,210,965 views I question just what boulder I’ve been living under, especially when it popped up on my YouTube feed, maybe not so randomly this past week.   Hmmm.

I really like when certain things come across my YouTube feed without me trying to search for them. When I get something like this, it’s almost as if it’s a divine intervention or message that I need to hear at that time I need to hear itwhich means that as you’re reading this blog post this morning it may be the time that you need to hear or see you too; especially if you weren’t even aware of its existent much like this under the boulder dweller.

Two my favorite singers and talented, songwriters, Ben Platt, and Lin- Manuel Miranda combine to mash songs from Hamilton and Evan Hansen together…why?  Not merely because it sounds good, because they want to bring a message of Hope.  From what?  For what?  A better world?  So I did a quick Google Search to get the “WHAT FOR” of this song and:

A portion of the proceeds from this record will be going to the March For Our Lives Initiative. Donate now at https://marchforourlives.com/.

So before this sounds like a rant against gun violence or assault weapons, I go back to what Mother Theresa said nearly 50 years ago when asked, “Are you against the war in Vietnam?” Mother Theresa answered meekly, “I’m for peace.”  Did you catch that or did it elude you like it did me?  She was showing that real power is in WHAT YOU ARE FOR and not WHAT YOU ARE AGAINST.  When we rile up and rant what we are against, it always adds up in more bad ways, but when we work together for what we believe in and for what we are for, it takes on a much more positive take.
Yeah, let’s work together for that because that’s a song we could all sing and certainly the world needs to hear.         .         .
UNDERSTAND.          .          .
WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME ORCHESTRA
PLAYING THE SAME SYMPHONY
]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/found-tonight/feed/ 0 5953 MORE or less http://thecaringcatalyst.com/more-or-less/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/more-or-less/#respond Mon, 10 Apr 2023 11:00:36 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5861

Give MORE and take less.          .          .
Can we.     .     .     ?
THEY SAY:
Giving to others brings a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that cannot be achieved through material possessions or personal gain. It  can also have positive effects on our mental and physical #health. Research has shown that people who regularly engage in acts of kindness and giving are more likely to experience lower levels of stress, depression, and anxiety.          .          .

S                    T                   I                    L                    L

In this for real
DOG eat Dog
world
we can still see how
We Mutts can still learn
(or forever RE-LEARN)
New Tricks
without so much as
ROLLING OVER
or worse
PLAYING DEAD

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/more-or-less/feed/ 0 5861 ONLY TIME WILL TELL (TISSUES MAY BE REQUIRED) http://thecaringcatalyst.com/only-time-will-tell-tissues-may-be-required/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/only-time-will-tell-tissues-may-be-required/#respond Mon, 13 Mar 2023 11:00:16 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5834

Only Time Will Tell By JJ Heller, David Heller and Andy Gullahorn

There’s not enough paper in this world There’s not enough ink to write it down No melody is sweet enough No metaphor is deep enough To describe the treasure I have found

I keep trying to tell you how I feel But I always come up short How beautiful you are to me But there aren’t enough words I keep trying to write a love song But it’s hard to say it well Love is a story that only time will tell

It’s one thing to say “for better or worse” And another when you find out what that means So much happens over time Some dreams come true and some will die How do you describe that kind of thing

I keep trying to tell you how I feel But I always come up short How beautiful you are to me But there aren’t enough words I keep trying to write a love song But it’s hard to say it well Love is a story that only time will tell

I’ve searched libraries And dictionaries Studied poets Still all I know is

I keep trying to tell you how I feel But I always come up short How beautiful you are to me But there aren’t enough words I keep trying to write a love song But it’s hard to say it well Love is a story that only time will tell Love is a story that only time will tell

PRETTY POWERFUL, STUFFS, huh, but not quite as powerful as the LOVE that’s shown here.  J J Heller, is an artist I’ve loved for a long time because the music that she and her husband, Dave create often create something in us, or at least shines a light on what’s been created and now needs some special noticing.

J J goes on to share, even more personally:

This video gets me every single time.

When we’re young we make vows imagining an easy and wonderful future. We say “for better or worse” even though we don’t know what lies ahead. We promise to be faithful, supportive and true no matter what. 

Making these promises is indeed an act of love, but living out this love in hospitals, worse-case diagnoses and late-night bouts with pain.. that’s a love on another level. A deeper, expanded love.

With that said, this beautiful video is dedicated to those fighting through intense physical challenges, and to those who love them fiercely and relentlessly.

A huge thank you to this brave couple who has allowed us to share part of their story with the world in hopes it will bring healing and encouragement.

And another giant thank you to Joy Prouty for capturing this sacred footage, both of their labor and delivery several years ago, and also of the recovery from a double mastectomy mere weeks ago. 

And thanks to Dave Heller and Andy Gullahorn for writing this beautiful song with me.

Love is a story that only time will tell. 🧡

Just one Question:

WHAT
OF 
YOUR 
L O V E.          .          .          ?

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/only-time-will-tell-tissues-may-be-required/feed/ 0 5834 S E N S I T I V E http://thecaringcatalyst.com/s-e-n-s-i-t-i-v-e/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/s-e-n-s-i-t-i-v-e/#respond Wed, 08 Mar 2023 12:00:23 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5823

ARE YOU.          .          .          ?
Are you Sensitive?
On that imaginary scale of 1 to 10 where would you rate yourself, 1–not so sensitive or 10, extremely Sensitive or just somewhere in the middle.          .          .          ?

W  A   I   T.          .          .
W  H  A  T.          .          .
IS BEING SENSITIVE GOOD OR BAD.          .          .

Why Being Sensitive Is a Strength

Getty Image

Andre Sólo is the force behind Sensitive Refuge, the world’s largest website for sensitive people, and the author of Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World, which he wrote with co-author Jenn Granneman

When was the last time you bragged about being sensitive?

Most likely, the answer is never. There are plenty of traits we take pride in but being “sensitive” is usually perceived as a weakness. It’s used to mean you’re fragile, thin-skinned, or just overreacting. Men are told that they shouldn’t be sensitive at all, whereas women are told not to be “so” sensitive—an infuriating set of words that ought to be retired.

Either way, the message sensitive people get isn’t to celebrate who they are. It’s that they should “overcome” their sensitivity and “toughen up.” Putting aside that this approach doesn’t work, it’s wrongheaded. Sensitivity is largely genetic, and not something you can turn off. It is a trait linked to giftedness and something we ought to embrace. In fact, according to three decades of research, it’s not only a healthy trait, it also serves as a a powerful asset.

As a personality trait, being sensitive means you take in more information from your environment, and you do more with it. Sensitive people are wired at a brain level to process information more deeply than others do. That includes sensory input (like noticing the texture of a fabric), emotional input (reading social cues), and ideas (spending a longer time thinking things through and making more connections between concepts).

If you’re sensitive, this deep processing changes the way you see the world. You probably notice what others miss, think, and feel deeply, and have a vivid inner life. You probably also get overstimulated in situations that don’t bother anyone else. If so, you’re not alone. Roughly 30% of all people, regardless of gender, score high for sensitivity. These individuals, sometimes called highly sensitive people (HSPs), are wired to go deep. And that depth comes with gifts.

The most well-known and celebrated sensitive gift is creativity. It’s perhaps the one generalization that’s true: Sensitive people tend to be highly creative, and many—perhaps most—artists, musicians, and actors are themselves sensitive people.

But creativity doesn’t end with the arts. The same ability translates to innovation. Many of our greatest thinkers and scientists throughout history have been sensitive people, including Charles Darwin, who was not only creative but contemplative, humble, conscientious, and full of strong emotions — the model of a sensitive person. Sensitive people have this capacity for innovation because they tend to be deep thinkers who spend more time and energy turning problems over in their heads—and end up seeing more possibilities and solutions.

A second strength sensitive people have is their decision making ability. In studies involving both humans and monkeys, the subjects who are sensitive—based on having gene variants associated with sensitivity—tend to outperform others on a variety of cognitive tasks, particularly those that require noticing patterns and using them to predict outcomes and make smart decisions.

This decision-making ability may give sensitive people an evolutionary advantage. In a 2008 computer simulation of natural selection, creatures who spent more resources considering their options and comparing them to past results, as sensitive people do, came out ahead long-term compared to less-sensitive creatures. They amassed more resources over time and out-survived others. In the wilderness, that might mean tracking down game when everyone is hungry. In the boardroom, it means steering companies to the top of their industry.

But perhaps the greatest advantage of sensitive people is what we call the “Boost Effect.” The “Boost Effect” means that sensitive people get more of a boost from the same things that help anyone. For example, a 2022 study looked at hundreds of couples at risk of divorce. The couples had been given a relationship training to improve their marriages, and at a glance, it seemed to help: The couples who received it were more likely to stay together. But when researchers gave the subjects personality tests, they found that it was the sensitive people who were most likely to use the training to save their marriages. Not only that, the couples where at least one person was sensitive reported an improvement in relationship quality overall—they became happier with each other. Other couples got no such benefit.

The Boost Effect isn’t limited to relationships. Over and over, researchers find that sensitive people are supercharged by any form of training or support. If you’re a sensitive person, you can activate this ability by curating a supportive environment around yourself—such as a group of supportive friends—and by seeking out resources such as mentoring, training, therapy, or coaching.

Sensitive people do pay a price for these gifts, however, by becoming overstimulated. Overstimulation is what happens when there is simply too much information for the brain to keep going deep. It feels like brain fog, fatigue, anxiety, and a sense of overwhelm; it happens in situations that are too loud, too chaotic, or too emotionally intense. (A rushed day at work and a conflict with a partner are both common triggers.) This is the only time when sensitive people really might seem less “tough” than others, but sensitive people can learn to largely prevent it—particularly by building time into each day to simply let the mind process and “catch up.” For sensitive people, even sensitive extroverts, a little bit of quiet alone time goes a very long way.

If any of this sounds like you, you might be more sensitive than you realize. If so, you have probably felt the pressure to hide it. But that’s a trap. You cannot make yourself less sensitive than you are and trying to do so only cuts you off from your gifts.

Instead, the single most important step you can take for yourself is what society has told you not to do your whole life: Stop hiding from your sensitivity. Embrace it, and show it to the world.

SO.           .            .
Let’s Rinse and REPEAT:
ARE YOU.          .          .          ?
Are you Sensitive?
On that imaginary scale of 1 to 10 where would you rate yourself, 1–not so sensitive or 10, extremely Sensitive or just somewhere in the middle.          .          .          ?

W  A   I   T.          .          .
W  H  A  T.          .          .
IS BEING SENSITIVE GOOD OR BAD.     .       .         ?
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
H               I               D               I               N               G
is no longer an alternative or shame
for being Sensitive
EMBRACE YOUR SUPER POWER
and EveryOne Else
will benefit
(you too)

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/s-e-n-s-i-t-i-v-e/feed/ 0 5823 NEIGHBOR http://thecaringcatalyst.com/neighbor/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/neighbor/#respond Mon, 27 Feb 2023 12:00:15 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5813

Neighbor By JJ Heller, David Heller, and Andy Gullahorn

Sometimes it’s easier to jump to conclusions Than walk across the street It’s like I’d rather fill the blanks with illusions Than take the time to see

You are trying to close the back door of your car You are balancing the groceries and a baby in your arms You are more than just a sign in your front yard You are my neighbor

I can get so lost in the mission Of defending what I think I’ve been surfing on a sea of opinions But just behind the screen

You are grateful that the work day’s finally done You are stuck in miles of traffic, looking at your phone You are tryin’ to feel a little less alone You are my neighbor

When the chasm between us feels so wide That it’s hard to imagine the other side But we don’t have to see things eye to eye For me to love you like you are my neighbor My neighbor

Oh, to fear the unfamiliar Is the easy way to go But I believe we are connected more than we might ever know

There’s a light that shines on both the rich and poor Looks beyond where we came from and who we voted for ‘Till I can’t see a stranger anymore I see my neighbor May my heart be an open door to my neighbor You are my neighbor

S O M E T I M E S
Music is more than MUSIC
and Words are more than
W          O           R           D          S

From the beginning of time the question has rung out,
sometimes louder than softer:
JUST WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR?
No matter what you say, You
SHOW THE ANSWER,
Person by Person,
Neighbor by Neighbor…
with this certainty:
It  just isn’t the person next door or across the street…
SO JUST WHO IS
YOUR NEIGHBOR.          .          .          ?

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/neighbor/feed/ 0 5813 YOUR SONG http://thecaringcatalyst.com/your-song-2/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/your-song-2/#respond Mon, 20 Feb 2023 12:00:42 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5800

It’s one thing to take a song
and make it your song;
It’s even better
if you make it ANOTHER’S.     .     .
yea.     .     .
Please make Your Song
ANOTHER’S song.        .        .
The Sharing will be the Caring. . .
Make your life,
your living
SING OUT LOUD
especially for all those
who have forgotten
they have their own Song
to SHARE, too.       .       .

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/your-song-2/feed/ 0 5800 LEVEL UP http://thecaringcatalyst.com/level-up/ http://thecaringcatalyst.com/level-up/#respond Fri, 03 Feb 2023 12:00:32 +0000 http://thecaringcatalyst.com/?p=5791

N O
I didn’t lose my mind; this is the the video I posted on this past Monday’s blog and as A Caring Catalyst but also a real, live CHANGE MAKER.     .     .

This hairstylist had a job he was paid to do.        .        .

Beyond the job, he had the same options every other cause-driven compassionate human being has for comforting someone who is struggling.

Maybe think of these options as “Levels of Sacrificial Giving.” Each level requires a bit more sacrifice on the part of the giver, thereby imbuing the act with an increasing measure of beauty.

LEVEL 1: WORDS
Saying something genuine to affirm the sufferer’s enduring worth.

LEVEL 2: UTILITY
Supplying helpful goods, services, or money for the sufferer’s use.

LEVEL 3: TOUCH
A tender gesture to inhabit the same physical space as the sufferer.

LEVEL 4: TRANSFER
A permanent exchange from giver to sufferer (e.g., organ donation).

LEVEL 5: CO-SUFFERING
Voluntarily joining the sufferer to share the experience of their pain.

This hairstylist is a Level 5 Giver.

It begs the simple question:
ARE YOU A LEVEL FIVE GIVER

I’ve come to learn that no ironclad argument exists for convincing someone that Level 5 Giving is worthwhile or even rational.

The beauty of an act of Level 5 Giving either pierces you in a life-changing way or it doesn’t.

My hope for you and me is that this act, or another like it, so pierces us that we level up our giving in a world that is groaning louder and louder for it every day.      .     .

JOIN ME
Lets LEVEL UP
always to a better way.     .     .

]]> http://thecaringcatalyst.com/level-up/feed/ 0 5791