It’s not really much a riddle
as it is an
A S S U R E D I T Y :
What’s the opposite of Black Friday?
ILLUMINATED FRIDAY!
by the bucket full
and sadly
here’s my humble
attempt at trying to
not so much illuminate
your Black Friday
but also to
bring a glow into
the-quickly-coming-New Year ahead. . .

I first self-published The Candle Maker in 2001 and my publisher thought it would be a great idea to come up with a hardback anniversary version of it for this upcoming year of 2021 EARLY for those who might want to give it for a Christmas gift. . .A little schmaltzy, huh, especially when the real reason I wanted to self-publish this “HELP-SELF” book was to not so much have as much command over the total process of publication/distribution (it wasn’t for the $$$ because I’ve spent more making it than selling it) but mostly so that I could literally GIVE IT AWAY!
I give out copies of this book for two of the professional presentations I do:
BURNT OUT IS BURNT OUT and WHAT’S THE USE(S). . .
So here’s the pitch from AMAZON itself which is offering the Hardback and the Paperback:

The Candle Maker Hardcover – March 1, 2001

by Chuck Behrens (Author)5.0 out of 5 stars 1 rating

 See all formats and editions

• Hardcover 
  $23.95 2 New from $23.95
• Paperback 
  $14.95 4 Used from $7.958 New from $14.95

This book quite possibly just might not be for you. Don’t be fooled by it’s length. If you’re looking for quick fixes, add water and presto actions, snap of the finger results and all with blink-of-the-eye fastness, this book just might not be for you. However, if you walk with this book three times a day, every day for the next twelve months, you’ll be able to run in the years following with renewed, purposeful steps and in ways this or no other book will ever be able to predict. So this just might prove that the best things in life are not instantaneous…at least not this.

This is not a ‘how-to’ or a ‘self-help’ book either. It’s more of a ‘help-self’ and a ‘want-to’ book. Unfortunately, purchasing this book won’t accomplish the task for which you have purchased it. No magical osmosis process here whereby you gain vast amounts of insight or wisdom merely by having the book or holding it a certain way for a certain amount of time at certain parts of the day. Apply yourself first to it and it will more than apply itself back to you.

And one last word: WARNING! This will cost you who you are for what you could become. . .not in a sprint, but rather, during the marathon this encourages you to perform. For the next 364 days live the capacity you are entitled and have been granted. Become like warmed wax that feeds the wick its eternal life source so that you may ultimately be molded–not hardened–but ever remained moldable again and again….

Once upon a time and for ever more learn, know that you can burn the candle at both ends and in the middle because you’ll know FINALLY where to get the wax and the wick and more, you’ll actually be inspired to go and do it.

The World
now more than in our lifetimes
seems more dark
more of a
BLACK FRIDAY
more of a whispy shadow
of what we’d like or
need it to be
without a completed sale
than ever before
and even back as I was writing this book
and self-publishing it
MY GOAL
then
and especially now
WAS TO NEVER TO BE A CANDLE SNUFFER
so much as a
FLAME SHARER

A LIGHT GIVER
with the powerful daily reminder of

Fully knowing that
the flicker I bring
only gets brighter with
the flicker you bring
and brighter still
when joined with
the flicker others bring
so purchased book or not
potential Christmas gift or not
JOIN ME

(Psssssssssssssssssssssssst:
Next Friday’s Blog Post will share the
FIRST CANDLE MAKER’S LESSON
to give you a head start for the New Year)

Birthdays may not be worth celebrating after a certain age. . .
but moments are never to be missed or passed up

A Bucket of Birthday candles won’t much last past a good couple of flickers but we live for the
FLAME
not the fleeting flickers. . .

Do We Need a New Roadmap for Getting Older?

Old age can last half a century, says physician Louise Aronson, so it needs a better definition—and more praise.

Recently journalist, JENARA NUREMBERG asked some fairly pertinent questions that beg for even more compelling answers

What do you think of when you think of “old age?” Maybe you think of it as your time of decline—something to be avoided at all costs. Many of us imagine the few short years just before our death, rather than the long stretch of time often available to explore new interests and relationships and activities.  

Author and physician Louise Aronson wants to change that. In her new book, Elderhood, she argues that old age or “elderhood” is a much richer, more nuanced experience than most people understand, and that treating it like an illness or pathology is the wrong approach. She believes people need to embrace elderhood as another normal phase of life—just like childhood and adulthood—with its own challenges and rewards. By reclaiming the narrative around older age, she hopes to not only support elders, but to impact family life, health, research, policy, and society as a whole. 

Louise Aronson: I define elderhood as one of the three main phases of life—what comes after childhood and adulthood. It captures the years that begin between ages 60-70 and continue until a person’s death. And if a person lives until the age of 100, then that means elderhood lasts almost half a century.

Human civilizations from the ancient Greeks and Romans to the early Chinese and Egyptians have been defining old age beginning between 60-70. Because people don’t like hearing that it starts so young, they’ve pushed that to the extreme, whereby people think of “old” as a debilitating phase that only lasts the very few short years right before death. 

Louise goes on to explain: Part of why I wanted to introduce the term elderhood to a wider audience—I did not make it up—was so that we would begin thinking about elderhood the way we think about childhood and adulthood. “Old age” absent the term elderhood is the subject of a lot of prejudice and bias, so we end up with phrases like “silver tsunami” and “no one wants to be old” or “aging is life’s great disaster.” 

By reframing it as this long phase of life with multiple sub-phases—just like childhood and adulthood—we take a broader approach and we can look at it as a society and community, and not just as individuals. So right now having “old” be devalued, with everyone being meant to face it on their own, we hear questions like “can we cure aging?” Why are we treating something that is normal and natural and that has always existed as pathology? 

Now, are there things that come with aging that we would feel much better without? Sure. But we don’t tend to pathologize other entire phases of life. Take adolescence. We recognize that there are behaviors that adolescents are more likely to do that are not good for them or society, but we don’t necessarily say we should get rid of adolescents the way that people often talk about older people. “Let’s go house them somewhere separately, let’s not think about them, let’s build a world for children and adults and then blame older people when that world doesn’t match with their needs or interests.”

Miss Aronson goes on to remind us: There’s more and more out there about age, and there’s so much good stuff; but I felt like the most well-intentioned material was still insulting old age and old people by saying, “Old is only how you feel, 70 is the new 50, 100 is the new 70.” All these things are saying that being old is never in and of itself a good thing or a desirable thing and by extension people who are old are never good people or desirable people. I didn’t like that. 

I also didn’t see anything that pulled together all the different ways in which we’re addressing aging—culturally, medically, socially, historically. We tend to think we’re doing all these novel, innovative things with aging, and although some of the specifics differ, human thoughts and approaches about old age are pretty much the same as what we have in evidence from 2,000 to 5,000 years ago. The attempt to understand and adapt to aging is a very human task and such history shows how important these questions are and how existential they are.

I really like how Louise explains: In medicine, we tend to say that such and such population—children, women, people of color, old people—is somehow different from “the norm,” defining the “norm” as middle-aged white guys, because that’s who was doing medicine. Medical research has begun to acknowledge that children aren’t just variations of adults, and women aren’t just variations of men, and people of color aren’t just variations of white people. We need to recognize that being old is as different from being an adult as an adult is from being a child. We change throughout our lives. 

For example, with vaccine schedules, we have different schedules for adults and children because of different biology and behaviors. Well, biology and behaviors also change from age 75 onward. Even in diseases that primarily affect older people, the research at best will be on the younger range of older people. So we say that older people are different, and yet we apply results from people different than them to them. Then we blame bad outcomes on old age rather than on what it was—a scientific setup that was destined to fail or hurt people because it didn’t study the target population adequately. 

When asked about the HAPPINESS FACTOR as we grow older Miss Aronson reflects: That’s such a good question. Most people are shocked to learn that happiness and life satisfaction go way up just before 60 and continuing into the 80s. So people who are older are much happier than adults in midlife, on average. On average people get happier, and part of that has to do with a real comfort with self and confidence in one’s priorities so that people are more focused on spending time in ways they value and on spending time with people that they value. So their life becomes positive and self-reinforcing. 

Another thing that was just reported this year is that older people generally rate their health pretty good. They look around at other people and generally conclude that, yes, their health is better than they thought it would be. So some of this is about having perspective, which takes decades, and also a comfort with who you are and where you are. And when you think about things like meditation and mindfulness and retreats and such, these are the things that elders are best at naturally. So it’s really interesting that we have this untapped population group that are doing the exact things that so many adults are hungry for and yet adults still disparage the very group that is living the things they wish for themselves. 

I just turned 64 yesterday and I remember when that seemed older than a dinosaur bone with stardust in its DNA
. . .and now it just feels like 34 with a lot more
SNAP
CRACKLE
AND POP
with each step I take
or when I get out of a chair after sitting a little while
or when I try walking down a staircase
or when I make a trip to the bathroom for the
third time before my 5:30 a.m. wake up time

B U T

Never has my
G L O W
been Brighter
been Warmer
My flicker
more FLAME

With a few more
W I C K S
to light
and be lit
with paths not yet traveled,
E N L I G H T E N D

 Do What You Love?

Or, Love What You Do?

David Sturt and Todd Nordstrom , CONTRIBUTOR Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own, reported back on March 13, 2015 some pretty eye-opening stuff all of us who hold burning candles at both ends and in the middle 

NEED   TO   TAKE   NOTICE

Since some of the earliest writings from the world’s most prolific thought leaders the notion of doing what you love (seeking a career that fills you with passion) has been discussed at length. But with current research showing how many people are disengaged, dissatisfied, and frustrated at work, we wondered is it possible to flip the words—is it possible to simply love what you do—your current job?

Q        U        I        C        K:

ARE   YOU   LOVING   WHAT   YOU   ARE   DOING 

RIGHT  HERE

RIGHT  NOW

ON  APRIL 11, 2018.          .          .?

Finding a job you love is age-old advice. Confucius probably has the best longstanding quote about “do what you love.” His words, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life,” have been repeated throughout history. Or consider Warren Buffett’s words, “Take a job that you love.” And let’s not forget the prolific thoughts of Maya Angelou who said “…pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.”

Does anyone advocate the opposite approach—telling people to love what they do? We did not have to look far to find the advice of Steve Jobs who said, “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.”

Image courtesy of shutterstock.com

 Curious about our own experiences in the workplace, we began reviewing previous job titles we have had over the years. Between the two of us, we’ve held titles like: fire inspector, market research manager, disk jockey, product development director, wind surfing instructor, creative director, and the list goes on. As we discussed our roles, we couldn’t help but talk about the positions we loved, and those we knew weren’t the perfect fit. And apart from one position (we won’t admit who it was) of company mascot, which consisted of wearing a fuzzy cow suit and dancing down parade routes in the middle of summer, we loved each of the jobs we had (the cow suit was extremely hot, it was ridiculous, but pardon the pun, ‘Holy cow it was fun’).

Are we typical of most workers? Science actually gives us some insight.

The “find a job you love” advice listed above is easy to buy into for those who love their jobs. But for those who still don’t love their work, should they quit their current job and chase the dream of the job they would love? Or can people learn to find meaning and success in their current job? The answer is ‘yes.’ And here’s why.

Research shows that great work (award-winning work) is produced when people focus on doing something others love. The Great Work Study showed that 88% of projects that earned awards began with an employee asking their own version of the question, “What difference could I make that other people would love?”

LOVE YOUR WORK:  IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU

The same study, a combined effort between O.C.Tanner Institute and Forbes Insights, found that all caps of work being studied shared a single intention–the work was focused on making a difference that someone else would love, instead of the person performing the work.  They were focused on the recipient  of their work–their customer, their colleague who depends on them, their leader who trusts in them, the community who expects their support, or others who benefit from their work.      .       .

SO HERE IS THE BOTTOM LINE:

Loving your job is one thing–the activities and responsibilities you have on a day to day basis.  But loving the impact of your job has on someone else is another .  If you don’t totally hate your job but find you’re not that happy with what you are doing, try this one little simple thing: GO AND SEE YOUR WORK BEING RECEIVED!  See how it impacts someone else, another co-worker, a client, another team, or whoever benefits from your work.          .          .follow the ripple; SEE WHAT SHORES THEY LAP UPON.          .          .

Kahlil Gibran wrote:

Work is love made visible.  And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the Temple and take alms of those who work with joy.          .          .”

Kind of makes

Burning the Candle at both ends and in the middle

take another a whole different perspective

ESPECIALLY  WHEN  YOU  KNOW

THE   SOURCE

THE  HOME

of the where the

WAX  AND  WICK

a b i d e.          .          .

Now.          .          .

That has you bringing

s       h       a       r       i       n       g

a   different   kind   of

w     a     r     m     e     r           g     l     o     w

I   love   Candles.       .       .

 I love the actual act of simply lighting Candles.

I  Love  how  they  make  a  room  look.

I  love  how  Candles  can  make  a  room  smell.

I love how Candles illuminate something in me that nothing else quite can.        .        .

especially if music is playing;

I love that one of our friends with their kids made candles

and gave Erin and I each one last week;

I love the flickering dancing of a small flame from a Candle.        .        .

Y     O     U  ?

Go figure.        .        .

Hanukkah and Christmas Eve are NOT the same days this year;

.       .       .in fact, we are already nearly in the middle of Hanukkah

and it’ll end in the evening of Wednesday, December 20.       .       .

four evenings before Christmas Eve.        .        .

My favorite Hanukkah Story is one of my Favorite Christmas stories:

Right before sunset a young boy and his mother were about to light the Menorah and he asked her,

“MOM,  DO   YOU   LOVE   ELENA   MORE   THAN   YOU   LOVE   ME?”

As the rest of the family gathered around to Light the Menorah, she whispered back to her son, “Honey,  I  will  answer  that  question  when  we  light  the  Hanukkah  Candles.”

She lit the Shamash, (the Candle that lights the other candles of the Menorah) held it high and said,

“ALL  MY  LOVE  IS  IN  THIS  FLAME. I  AM  GOING  TO  GIVE  ALL  MY  LOVE  TO  GRANDMA  AND GRANDPA.”

She lit that first candle, held the Shamash high above.

“LOOK,  I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  I’M  GIVING  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE  TO  YOUR  DAD,”

She said as she lit the second candle, holding the Shamash high above and proclaiming,

“LOOK, I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  I’M  GIVING  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE  TO  YOUR  SISTER,  ELENA,”

she said as she lit the third candle and then held the Shamash high above exclaiming,

“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”

“NOW  I  WILL  GIVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE  TO  MR.  BENSON, OUR  NEIGHBOR  WHO  HAS  NO  FAMILY OF  HIS  OWN,”  she said as she lit the fourth candle and held the Shamish high to say,

“LOOK,  I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  FOR  MY  FRIEND  CATHY  WHO  IS  IN  THE  HOSPITAL,”

she said as she lit the fifth candle and once again held the Shamash high as she boldly said,

“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”

“NOW, HERE  IS  SOME  LIGHT  FOR  ISRAEL,  IN  HOPE  FOR  PEACE,”

She lit the sixth candle, held the Shamash high to extol,

“LOOK,  I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  I  WILL  GIVE  ALL  MY  LOVE  TO  CHILDREN  WHO  DO  NOT  KNOW  FROM  WHERE  THIER NEXT  MEAL  WILL  COME.”

She lit that seventh candle, held the Shamash high and confidently stated,

“LOOK, I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW.    .    .NOW, MY  SON,  I  WILL  LIGHT  THIS  EIGHTH  CANDLE.  AND  I  AM  GIVING ALL OF MY LOVE  TO  YOU.”

C O U L D    I T.    .    .

could it be that one Light ends at the same time Another Starts?

Could it be that they

ALL    JUST    CONTINUE    TO

f l i c k e r
on.         .         .

enlighten.         .         .

to the eye that notices?

L         I         G         H         T         I          N         G

is  a  VERB

For  all  Seasons

For  all  Days

For  all  Moments

For   A  L  L

Maybe.           .           .

Maybe it’s all about just when the

Wick comes to Flame.         .         .

m    a    y    b   e

it’s  all  about

O N-L I G H T E N I N G

and less about

E N D-L I G H T E N I N G ?

S    O  .          .          .

S e e.        .        .

B e.        .        .

F    r    e    e

that magnificent Light

w i t h i n

for all those

w i t h o u t.         .         .         

I T       I S        I N        E V E R Y O N E         O  F       U S

Let’s in our own way

Let’s in our own time

p                r                 a                 y

Be ENLIGHTENED

To ENLIGHTEN

To SEE